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The E.A.R.: Road Trip Ramblings, 2nd Edition (A Very Jersey Turnpike)

 

1. The easiest way to blow $12-15 in under five minutes without ever stepping into a casino is to cross the GW Bridge.

2. Garden State my ass! I’ve entered Newark. A dump is more like it. People work very hard to have nice gardens. This is an insult to those with a green thumb.

3. Damn it Jersey drivers, why you gotta do that tortoise shit in the fast lane? It ain’t even that crowded. Now I understand why New Yorkers drive with the aggression they do. They’re fed up with your shit, so they take it out on everyone else.

4. I saw MetLife Stadium in the flesh. Does anyone have something that’s not bleach, but just as potent, and won’t blind me for life? I just need a thorough cleanse.

5. Does every asshole New Yorker drive an SUV? The cars that have passed me with the most aggression are SUVs. Talk about compensating.

6. Jersey Turnpike they said, it would be fun they said…

7. Apparently I’m not allowed to pump my own gas in NJ.

8. Princeton New Jersey is bougie AF!

9. The only redeeming factor about this stupid Turnpike is that there are six lanes of traffic on each side, with buses and trucks being designated to one side. When going towards the GW Bridge Northbound, the Turnpike does this really messed up thing where six lanes magically becomes three. It is possibly one of the nastiest merges I’ve done in my life.

10. There is a rest area on the Turnpike conveniently close to the East Rutherford area called the Vince Lombardi Service area. Don’t know if it got that name before or after the Giants won the Superbowl. If it was after, that’s quite pretentious.

11. There are an awful lot of Dunkin Donuts down in New Jersey.

12. Once again, New York and New Jersey still have tollbooths. Why would you do this to me? I’m so used to the open road tolls on the Masspike that having to slow down to the speeds of a tortoise just to get my EZ-pass read is just brutal.

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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The E.A.R.: Never Cured, Only Getting Better

 

Over the weekend, I was browsing the internet when a friend of mine shared this article with the headline “Toni Braxton’s formerly autistic son is now a signed model, and she can’t stop gushing .

Repeat after me:

Autism is an incurable disorder that follows one from the womb to the tomb.

Let’s say it a little louder so that those in the back can hear:

AUTISM IS AN INCURABLE DISORDER THAT FOLLOWS YOU FROM THE WOMB TO THE TOMB!!!!!!

Celebrities like Toni Braxton irk me in the worst way. They latch on to any form of misinformation pertaining to the spectrum, spread it to people who follow them blindly, and in turn spread the same lies.

Let’s set the record straight shall we? Diezel has not been cured of his Autism, and will NEVER be cured of his Autism. The reason Diezel looks “normal” is because Toni Braxton has the money get her son the early intervention therapy a lot of families can’t afford.

Regardless of the supports Diezel got and continues to get, he is still VERY Autistic, and will be Autistic for the rest of his life.

The fact that that the key phrase in this article is “formerly Autistic” is unfortunately a reflection of how our society still views Autism. There are people with Autism who are doing amazing things, yet we view Autism as so terrible, and debilitating that it needs to be “cured,” or eliminated.

I feel sorry that Diezel has to deal with an intolerant mother who uses him, and her star power, to paint Autism as something negative; he deserves better.

It really pains me as a guy with Autism that success in this society is independent of having a disability, and can’t be a part of the package. I know I don’t look, or even act, like what society deems as being Autistic, but I am still very much Autistic. There are a lot of things I deal with internally that y’all can’t even begin to fathom. Autism really isn’t the worse thing in the world.

You can be Autistic and still be a damn good model. You can be Autistic, and still be a success. You can have any disability and still be a success as long as you have an environment that allows you to thrive.

People like Toni Braxton are detrimental to the fight for disability rights in this society. I really don’t ask for much except to be viewed as a valuable contributor to society.

Most people on the spectrum don’t want to be cured, they just want a society willing to make the adaptations that allow them to thrive. Those that want to be cured want it simply because they’ve spent their entire life being taught that they were a burden.

Autism is dope when you give us a chance.

Stay classy…

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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The E.A.R.: Some Highway Ramblings from Saturday

 

1. No one passes you with more aggression than a:

-Pickup truck you passed like 10 miles ago. It’s as if they were so intimidated by something smaller than their vehicle outperforming them that they needed to assert their dominance as the Big One out here.

-A New York driver in an SUV who seems to think that you doing 80-90 in the fast lane is too slow for them.

2. The staties seems not to give a shit about the stretch of the Pike west of I-84. I’ve never had such an easy time speeding on the pike any time before that.

3. 30 miles still feels like an eternity between exits (I’m talking to you Exit 3 in Westfield to Exit 2 in Lee).

4. Leaving Massachusetts to go into New York is like entering into a foreign land.

5. That’s a huge ass number next to Buffalo. I thought the “127” you see next to “Albany NY” on the Pike in the Worcester area was big. That “312” is a bit much.

6. I thought the roads in Massachusetts were bad. That Berkshire/Thruway connector made my tires scream in agony.

7. The scenery on this highway does look pretty gorgeous. I’ll give it to New York for nice scenic drives. Their sports teams however can eat a big one. 😜

8. So this is the famed Albany?

*Steps our car to snap some pics of old Catholic structure*

9. This neighborhood looks a bit trashy. I think it’s time to go back to my car.

10. I always feel weird about speeding in other states. In Massachusetts, I know how the MA staties operate which makes speeding all the easier. I don’t know how the New York staties operate, it’s best not to poke any bears, dragons, and whatever frequents the far away land of New York.

11. Peripheral vision is great for two things: staying safe, and staying within the law (and by staying within the law I mean taking two years off your breaks to drop from 85/90-65 in under 3 seconds).

12. Going in the reverse direction, it feels strange to see a number larger than three digits next to “Boston” on the mileage signs.

13. I love the look of highways at dusk where there’s just enough sunlight for it to be bright, but it’s dark enough where your head lights create this nice glow off of the signs.

14. One of my favorite sounds on a highway is the one where you drive over bridge supports.

15. Western Massachusetts is pitch black at night. Like, who the hell turned off the lights? Did the entire county forget to pay their electric bill?

16. I don’t know what’s more emotional, seeing “Massachusetts Welcomes You” after being on a long drive, or when you’re traveling internationally and immigration says “Welcome Home.”

17. New York ain’t allowed to make fun of us for hard to pronounce town names. Sch, Sch, Schenectady?! Just when you thought “Poughkeepsie” was pushing it.

18. Uh, Uh, wait, hold on, Uh-ti-kuh? No, apparently it’s Yoo-Ti-Kuh (Utica).

19. Apparently New York still uses toll booths. I’m really not fond of dropping from 85-20 mph just for my EZ pass to read properly. The New York State Thruway Authority would really benefit from that Port Authority money for making high speed toll lanes. After all, they make millions a day alone from George Washington Bridge crossings with the exception of Chris Christie sanctioned lane closures.

(Too soon?)

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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The E.A.R.: Driving Forces

 

My rating of drivers by state along the I-90/I-84/I-95 corridor.

Massachusetts Drivers

Massachusetts drivers are really, really overhyped. They’re honestly more stupid than they are aggressive. They have more bark than actual bite. They have this tough exterior but, the moment they see ANY form of precipitation they forget how to drive. Saturday night I was on I-84 in New York doing 75ish on a pitch black highway in very heavy rain. It was pretty disappointing to come back to Massachusetts to see people driving like pansies in lighter rain and, lighter conditions.

Connecticut Drivers

They don’t want to be associated with their asshole northern neighbors but, they also want to be edgy and try to mimic their New York neighbors usually with poor results. Some of them are accustom to driving in Massachusetts so they try to emulate their Massachusetts brethren more. Connecticut drivers often emulate they neighbor whose state border they’re closest to. I do have to give it to Hartford drivers though, y’all take those sharp ass turns like champs. At 7 am in Hartford most people say fuck it to the 50mph speed limit and proceed at 75.

New York/New Jersey Drivers

These guys are the real deal No fucks given drivers in the north east region. These guys will speed past you at 80 mph in really dangerous weather conditions because you’re being too cautious. Massachusetts drivers are like those small toy poodles barking at pit bulls and mastiffs that can tear their faces off. I thought y’all were crazy at first but, on Saturday night when I was doing 75 in conditions that would normally back up traffic on a Massachusetts highway, I knew I was in the right place which is funny because I despise New York sports teams. Y’all can keep your teams but, I’ll take your drivers any day. Y’all are fearless in a state where any highway warnings are only suggestions.

Stay classy…

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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The Return of Tales of an Unemployed Waiter

Alright, so I have to write about this. So I had a few tables today but what is more important was how many times there were reasons why to bring back the Waiter series. So my first table was two girls two years younger then me. They were celebrating because one had bought a car, and the other bought a house. I gave them the web address to check out my blog, so actually they could be reading this right now. They were cool, gave me a great tip, and were New Yorkers and Bostonians. One had a cool hat. They were familiar with Troy where I was born, as well as fishfrys. I said “did you know that Troy is the birth place of Uncle Sam,” Then I continued that I knew that because I saw a sign between a crack house and a fish fry joint.” It’s a great day when you can say “crack house” and still get a good tip. O.k, so when they said they were celebrating I said to them. “Congratulations, you have a new house and you have a new car. I live in an apartment, and don’t have even a bike. Plus I need new shoes. They laughed, and cool. Great table.

This all can be blamed on the swig of energy drink I had before the shift. The next table was even better, it was a table of a daughter and her Mother, and I realize this now, that I kept on referring to her daughter as “him”. So, the kid and her mother were playing horses. There were four of them. One of the horses looked bionic, and had guns on it’s hooves. I said that was a great horse. They said oh, we got them at a yard sale. I began thinking about how many times I had bought defective things from a garage sale. One being a bike with no brakes, that gave me considerable problems when I was younger, and dare I say, smarter. I mean, I was smart before this bike, caused me to break my head open. 13 stitches like the NOFX song.

Anyway, getting back to the story. I noticed that one of the bionic horses legs didn’t work. I said, “you know in real life, a horse with a broken hoof, wouldn’t be able to race well, and would probably….and I stopped myself. The mother caught my drift and said, “oh were ready to order”. I said “fantastic!”. Dodged a bullet there, even if the horse wouldn’t.

While I was waiting in a different section, I noticed a customer in another section with an eye patch. A honest to god, eye patch. I loved it, all of a sudden my mind was swimming with all sorts of funny things to say, regarding that eye patch. Ar, order a drink or i’ll make you walk the plank.. Or what can I get you you scurvy dog. It helps to now that this guy wasn’t very nice according to L-. L-(waited on him).

The last funny thing I said involved Eskimos. The reason was a credit card that said Alaska Airlines. I said to the woman, “wow, I’ve seen this only once or twice before.” She said, “Yeah it is an airline who flies to Alaska and Seattle.” And she then said something about how it had an igloo on the card. Which immediatley had me talking about Eskimos. I said “Wow, Eskimos,” They live in ice houses” Meaning I wouldn’t mind living in such an Ice House. Then I said how you never hear about Eskimos very much. After that I had the tune brick house in my head, while changing the words to “Eskimos live in an/ Ice House, oh mighty, mighty, just letting it all hang out”

Today was amusing.

Just another Jagged Thought by Jason