Photography © Jennifer Matthews

 

To Avery (you taught me the meaning of safety)

A speck down the corridor—flashing imperceptively—
I had forgotten and felt my way, stumbling
through a labyrinth of
engulfing night.

You appeared out from
long shadows,
dancing
within and without
toward and against.
You pulled me toward the
safety of light.
But I fought and struggled and my eyes screamed—
I screamed and screamed and screamed.

You gave up, or rather
did you let me
choose
my own movement,
my own shuffle toward
the sun from my dreams?

It wasn’t you but God,
you helped me glimpse
the faint outline
of the glory I seek.

You held me close—
You pulled me closer when I cried,
I whimpered some more.
I was so afraid, so afraid, so afraid.
You told me I was safe.
A sun rose,
a sunburn threatened—
I screamed and screamed and screamed.

You felt at a loss, or rather
did we witness the wholeness of light toward which
neither of us can turn?

It wasn’t you but God,
you helped me glimpse
the yawning possibility of
warmth
in me,
around me,
in front of me,
above me,
behind me.

You are a blessing, like the
Sun is a blessing to the smallest, most delicate
flower.

 

Ahana Mulgaonker: “I am an essayist and theorist working in Mad studies. I’m currently in a period of healing and rebirth from a life of trauma. These poems center on the experience of loss, trauma and disability and how one might empower those experiences with the warmth and strength of sunlight. I work with the contradictions of sunlight as it nurtures and energizes all life through the very radiation that can hurt it. My current project delves into the contradiction of how beauty and wonder contain and depend on the possibility of shame and hurt.”

Poet/Photographer Jennifer Matthews’ poetry has been published in Nepal by Pen Himalaya and locally by the Wilderness Retreat Writers Organization, Midway Journal, The Somerville Times, Ibbetson Street Press and Boston Girl Guide. Jennifer was nominated for a poetry award by the Cambridge Arts Council for her book of poetry Fairy Tales and Misdemeanors. Her songs have been released nationally and internationally and her photography has been used as covers for a number of Ibbetson Street Press poetry books and has been exhibited at The Middle East Restaurant, 1369 Coffeehouses, Sound Bites Restaurant in Somerville and McLean Hospital.