Poem by Shawn Berman

An Ode To y’All Can Have 90s Meg Ryan I’ve Moved On For Good Sorry

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I find it

incredibly odd when people deem Meg Ryan

as some sorta rom-com muse and totally neglect the fact that Tara Reid literally

transcended the way

boys became men

by sparking lunchtime hot takes

over what place would be the most appropriate spot to propose to her

and if the weather needed to be completely sunny

or if a little drizzle in the clouds was better for dramatic effect.

The debates always went the same way:

dude, it needs to be sunny,

angels look the best when their skin can radiate—

nah, no way, a little rain will put that proposal in the bag,

make it all Nicholas Sparks in this bitch,

know what I’m saying.

Years later,

the American Pie movie poster is still taped to my ceiling,

and Tara’s Instagram account is the active homepage on my computer

because waking up every morning and seeing her beautiful face gives

my life more meaning

than

all-you-can-eat sushi restaurants

and

smooth as fuck R. Kelly love songs,

before he did all that controversial weird shit

and got parodied on South Park,

losing all credibility to make the argument that

Trapped in the Closet is our generation’s Stairway to Heaven

combined.

And for all you keeping score at home,

that’s a lottttttttttt.

But, I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that Tara and I

will never elope

or exchange pen pal information

or take empties back to Price Chopper

or share a series of aww-worthy eskimo kisses under a mistletoe at a horrible office party

and I guess that’s all apart of growing up

and part of growing up means

I need to

stop taking romantic interests in women who

sleep with their socks on

because there is nothing more untrustworthy than that

and I cringe at the thought of wool-en feet rubbing up and down my

bare shins

almost as much as I cringed this morning when I watched a

video of someone mixing protein powder with a tallboy of PBR.

I would send you a link but I’m not sure

if it would be available in your area

because YouTube has some dumb restrictions

and this is totally not an excuse I’ve just made up because I’m too lazy to send the link

But this is totally an excuse I’ve just made up because I’m too lazy to send the link,

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Shawn Berman is a warm beer. Shawn Berman is a strip club on a Monday afternoon. Shawn Berman is Brad Pitt’s twice-removed cousin. Shawn Berman has work featured in tNy, Potluck, Maudlin House, and Drunk Monkeys. Shawn Berman can be followed on Twitter.

Su Red is an artist of various mediums, currently residing in the NYC area. You can see more of her work here.