I had my first existential crisis in the womb
I was high risk
Bedridden was my mother during her first maternal bloom
I was born to survive because I survived almost never being born
Here I acknowledge
I don’t have to go through anything alone
But
It’s what I chose
Over
Going through it distrustful of the one wanting to go through it
Distanced from me
I don’t share misery or fall asleep to pity
Mami and I fought for my first breath
Aside step
2 face above the neck wreck
I’ve been called ice not nice as though kindness is my vice
Fake love is a knife I shield from my life
Of course I’m not nice to cruel light
You bark I bite
There’s showing up and there’s loitering
Stop bothering
Yourself
I expose every emotion and do not choose the devil I know
While battling my demons
Demons left for me to babysit or created after crossing paths with some bullshit
Including a stream of doodoo because I wasn’t learned yet on how to kiss my booboos
See
I show up then get stuck
I still ask God to take your shit off of me
All of those demons I wrestled
I still pity
I pray God closes my heart
From that part
Trails of the devil I chose not knowing it was the devil who was close
I never have to go through anything alone
It’s a choice
I’m cautious whose medicine I bring into my home
I’ve had enough crisis
Enough noise
All I know is the purr of my mother’s blood
Heart thump
In struggle
I made it out alive once
I can face any trouble
Don’t come to sit with me devil
I recognize your sympathy
I choose to go through things holding on to me
I choose to hold the hands outreached that are angelic beams
And choose to cut the cords sent to strangle me.

 

Liza Zayas is a lover of writing and dancing and celebrates both as a singer and songwriter performing as Luna del Flor. You can hear her collaborative sounds and experience life through her storytelling. She invites you to dance. Her poetry seeks to initiate dialogue by intentionally expressing consequences of love, lust, ego and self-respect.

 

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