The Josh Rules

9:30

Alright the Chinese food is in my system, and I no longer feel like complaining about my job. Something much more interesting happened today. Alright, so I went into Rudy’s today, a Mexican joint in Somerville. I thought I would go in there and have a beer, and slyly strike up a conversation in hopes of getting on board at the restaurant. At first glance there was no way that would ever happen. After talking to the bartender, she said that she had been there for two years, and was considered new, so right there, that was a bad sign.

So we start talking and she says that she works at Old Magoon Saloon. I asked her if she knew of a kid named Josh D____. She did. We started reminiscing on how much of a fucked up kid he was, and how unfortunate it was that a funny kid like that could be so shady. I mean really shady. I was a bro of his for many years, first off the kid was the funniest kid you could ever meet, but yet, unfortunately he wasn’t the most legit kid you could meet.

Anyway, we were talking and she started telling me about the Josh Rules. Apparently the Josh Rules are a set of rules that were made especially for him, to contain him while at work.

Now I know this kid, he was funny…I mean really funny, and rule number one definitely was needed and probably not so greatly enforced.

Josh Rule Number One: Josh can not talk to customers

Josh was a kid who the word obscene is not even the right word. I remember one time in Central he started talking back to this black kid, and the black kid was going to beat his ass, but somehow I stopped him from doing that. That was the same time we got kicked out of the cab cause Josh was calling the cabby something or other. The cabby kicked us out, and that was only one time.

Josh Rule Number Two: Josh must take a shower before going to work.

Josh was ripe at sometimes, I understand that.

Josh Rule Number Three: IF ANY CAB DRIVERS COME LOOKING FOR JOSH, CALL THE POLICE.

Apparently Josh used to get drunk and forget to pay his cab fares, all the time. Josh wasn’t the most timely kid ever. But damn he was funny.

The bartender said that these rules are laminated and in bright red letters, “almost like the sexual harassment posters, that jobs have” I was crying, I thought it was hilarious. Alright, I wasn’t really crying, but you get the point it was funny.

I guess there is more rules then that, she is going to find them for me.

Now a days, Living a Josh-free life, you forget all the funny times, and then you think of all the shady times. And basically it all balances out. Its been about a year now, and my friends and I are Josh-free, but still we wonder what has become of the reclusive Josh D—, I haven’t seen him since he stole our aerobed.

Just another jagged thought by Jason

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