Tell Me You Fucking Love Me

I can’t win. I don’t know what I look like.
It’s a never-ending battle between society and my mind.
When I was younger it was, you’d be a beautiful plus sized model.
So, I lost weight.
I was ruthless.
When I was skinny, I got called twiggy and said I need to gain
weight or I was going to get myself sick in the hospital.
Eat Alexis, just please, eat.
Alexis started eating.
Little piggy went to the market and stuffed her face all the way home.
Now I’ve put on a lot of weight.
You look fine now, but you don’t want to gain anymore.
I just can’t win. I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle.
How would I look if the world didn’t influence me?
How would I look at myself?
When will it be okay to love me for me?

Alexis DiRocco is an English major at Salem State University.

Artist Sally Deskins is an artist and writer focusing on perspectives of women including her own. She’s been published internationally and exhibited nationally and has curated several exhibitions and books.