Lavender (Manics who can’t sleep revisited) by Jason Wright

Back on the train
This is what I do

Feeling unglued
Got to put my self together
Last night I wrote a poem
And read it to an audience
And I got compliments

Instead of the audience shaking their head
They vibed with what I read
I realized that I am not alone
Friends who came up to me
And said they approved of my mentality
That they got shivers and they could relate
I was overcome by nerves
Until the drinks hit
Then I only had to silence my head a little bit

I asked my new friends if they could see my hands shake
If they could hear it in my voice
I realized it last night
And I guess I had forgotten
That I am not alone
And their is a community in Boston
Who understands
And could follow my rhythm
And I let them in on my disappearing act

Bur there is one person I talked to
Actually there was really 2 or 3
But there was one person who resonated with me
They feared they were manic
And said they had trouble sleeping

That’s when I told her of a poem I wrote

For a friend
who couldn’t handle her racing thoughts, who couldn’t rest.
Who once told me that she was always awake and every day she walked through dreams

I told my new friend last night about this friend and
the poem
It was called
Manics Who Can’t Sleep
And now I am revisiting those 360 words

Over eight years ago
When I thought I could live forever
That every day I imagined like Jon Lennon
A place where the world was real
Where I could feel something
Better then this

But last night was different
I spoke about mental illness
And the people listened
But there was
One person
Who really listened
And I hope that she can feel some comfort in this

And I hope she can rest
And I hope she can find comfort
Knowing that
Is a gift
And she isn’t different
She is
And that
Lavender is a pretty color.

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  1. I’m not exactly sure why, but this one has brought tears to my eyes.
    Maybe because it resonates with me. Maybe because it’s gentle and caring. Maybe because you both found a person who could understand. Maybe some other things too.
    Last night after my first dose of an additional medication I slept an unbroken sleep of about nine hours which is more than I’ve slept in one go for ages. What relief.
    Insomnia really sucks.

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