Got to build trust
within myself.

Haven’t trusted
anyone in a long time.

Had a rhyme to say
but lost it like my mind.

Every time I try to speak,
something comes unglued.

Been thrown in the hospital
every time I’ve moved.

Have no trust in people.
Always felt I was evil.

Nothing like a sequel,
prequel, or NyQuil.

I can’t fan this fever.
I have to trust myself.

I have to trust you.
The world will be

a better place
if I can trust you.

You have hurt me,
I have hurt you.

You have condemned me,
very weakly too.

You have told me
that I was shit.

You told me
to reminisce,

threw me in the hospital,
called it mental illness.

I have a chance
to speak my peace.

The mind does let me talk,
but I’ve kept it since forever.

They’ve jail me
when I walk.

They’ve thrown me
in the lithium jar.

They thrown me
in the split.

I have been to
the moon and back.

They called me faggot for it.
You called me faggot for it.

But I am not mad.
Here’s the thing.

I am on your stage.
You invited me.

You want to see
the real me,

see me in 3D, see me
glow like gravity.

I got a three piece suit on.
Fashion dream police.

Every time I see myself,
I see me on my knees.

Freaking crucified me
in the hospital

because I tried
to breathe.

Let the kid
take his medicine.

Medicate me,
don’t handcuff me.

That’s the way
it’s always been.

Haven’t ever
trusted you. Or me.

I could float with you
in zero gravity.

I don’t trust you, but
I want to build trust with you.

Manic rhymes, take your meds,
Have a puff or two.

They put me in the hospital
every time I Try to speak.

Mental illness
is a poem.

They throw me in
a home next week.

I doubt you see
my instinct.

Things have got
to change.

Why don’t I
trust anyone.

I just don’t
trust the strange.

So this is
the manic ramblings

of someone who
sleeps to dream

turning to screams,
just wants to be seen

and heard like a
bird without wings.

But every time
I trust someone,

they throw me
in the clink.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.