Got to build trust
within myself.
Haven’t trusted
anyone in a long time.
Had a rhyme to say
but lost it like my mind.
Every time I try to speak,
something comes unglued.
Been thrown in the hospital
every time I’ve moved.
Have no trust in people.
Always felt I was evil.
Nothing like a sequel,
prequel, or NyQuil.
I can’t fan this fever.
I have to trust myself.
I have to trust you.
The world will be
a better place
if I can trust you.
You have hurt me,
I have hurt you.
You have condemned me,
very weakly too.
You have told me
that I was shit.
You told me
to reminisce,
threw me in the hospital,
called it mental illness.
I have a chance
to speak my peace.
The mind does let me talk,
but I’ve kept it since forever.
They’ve jail me
when I walk.
They’ve thrown me
in the lithium jar.
They thrown me
in the split.
I have been to
the moon and back.
They called me faggot for it.
You called me faggot for it.
But I am not mad.
Here’s the thing.
I am on your stage.
You invited me.
You want to see
the real me,
see me in 3D, see me
glow like gravity.
I got a three piece suit on.
Fashion dream police.
Every time I see myself,
I see me on my knees.
Freaking crucified me
in the hospital
because I tried
to breathe.
Let the kid
take his medicine.
Medicate me,
don’t handcuff me.
That’s the way
it’s always been.
Haven’t ever
trusted you. Or me.
I could float with you
in zero gravity.
I don’t trust you, but
I want to build trust with you.
Manic rhymes, take your meds,
Have a puff or two.
They put me in the hospital
every time I Try to speak.
Mental illness
is a poem.
They throw me in
a home next week.
I doubt you see
my instinct.
Things have got
to change.
Why don’t I
trust anyone.
I just don’t
trust the strange.
So this is
the manic ramblings
of someone who
sleeps to dream
turning to screams,
just wants to be seen
and heard like a
bird without wings.
But every time
I trust someone,
they throw me
in the clink.
Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.
Hey man from the bottom of my head and heart thank you for this poem!