Jagged Thought #268: Off Day (Sandcastle)

 

Off day.

I need one.
I had one.
I can do better then this.
I’m not the only one.

The world is not really upside down,
Is it?
I am sick of this life. (I am living it)

Down with the sickness.
Thunder bolts of lightning.
I don’t care anymore what I am writing.

I give up.
I wrote it once. It’s hard work trying to be somebody.
Especially when you are me.
Cursed with these words.
Cursed to
Deal with this shit, I stack on higher and higher
When all I am is a liar.
One ugly little liar.
Pathetic…holding my head up
For nothing but an empty tug.
I am worthless.
I am ugly.
But I refuse to give up.
And I might be the biggest fuck up
There is.
A mentality that doesn’t quit.
That absorbs the beatings and
Your quick finishes.
And still rises up to try and do something different.
I got this…Look I can’t save everyone
And missteps happen that’s life.
And man I have sand kicked in my face so many times.
That I could build a sand castle.
Made of
Sand? Doubt it
I’m fucking made of granite
Thank You.

And these words.
Who give a shit who reads ’em.
Damn the white pages and blue spaces.
Spill all the ink.
Tear up the notebooks.
Crash the screens.
Break the pencils.
Throw the keyboard out the motherfucking window.
This mental…
Damn.
I’m done.
Again.
I’m back.
I’m gone.
I’m fine.
I’ll live.

I’ll sleep.
I’ll wake.
The storm will pass.
The night is dark tonight.
I don’t want to send this to Chad
But I have a dead line.

A deadline…
Never mind maybe another time.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His newest collection, Train of Thought, is forthcoming.

 

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