well i have had my trials. i know this, but the other day my confidence was tested. i felt like I had turned towards the world, that had turned away from me along time ago. sometimes life never seems the way it should be. sometimes, you feel like you have the world in your pocket, then you feel like your thoughts are deposits of sand, in a world that doesn’t understand. i would like to take this time out of my writing, say “hey, let someone else write, that the fight I’m fighting, isn’t worth fighting. that your writing, is flammable, set for explosion. and the chemical test is slowly eroding.
i never wanted to say good bye to the highs, the lows stay with me all the time. i almost checked in to the psych hotel, and said no way, I can do this. i can get through this. so I cleaned my mind, with turpentine and bleach. spread it out to dry, soaked out each thought one by one. left them out in the cold for awhile, till they remembered their home. each thought roamed and roamed, around walking the streets trying to find shelter, I wish they would come back. but be a little nicer.
so, i’m writing this, but who is the witness, to this. the TV blinked twice, it must be listening, my music scratches “I do” “i do” from the record player. i know I will never publish this. its just a way to cope with mental illness. maybe I will publish this, let everyone know that my mind has gone, packing for the sun. i need to find sunshine in my life, staying indoors in this cold cold world.
my mind will never let me pull the trigger, but it will let me write myself to sleep. there is nothing in this world bigger, then a liar trying to leap. i need to find some peace of mind. a peach in the summer sun. i need to find a
(in a world of drugs and guns).