Alpha Jesus

Alpha Jesus wants us to know
he can kick our asses
any time he wants to.
He’s just letting us kill him.

Alpha Jesus makes his last
phone call to Mel Gibson
so he can pitch a sequel
to Passion of The Christ
where the corpse continues
to bleed long after death
until he drowns Jerusalem,
which he keeps picturing
as being much bigger this time.

Alpha Jesus tells us
he’s going to return from death
like an action movie hero

His very yawn will invoke
a non-CGI explosion
to turn whatever third world country
serving as his headstone
into nothing but glass.

Alpha Jesus says he could hammer
the nails to his own cross
with his giant cock.
He dares you to dare him to try.


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text face by TJ Edson © 2013