missing 9th in Cambridge
Yeah I’m missing 9th in Cambridge
I don’t think I could handle it
My mind is a demon mind
I mean a diamond mine
Depends on which day you catch me on
Right now I’m southbound
On a red line train
Right now I’m feeling low down
With a dismantled brain
I know I’m insanity bound
If I even indulge in it
LSD or ecstasy would give me a permanent trip
Like a shift in the atmosphere
My mind changes stations
Tells me I’m killing me softly
With each cigarette I take in
Smoke in my eyes now I’m foggy still
My life needs a rewind
Rewind back in time
To happier times, would my life be like this still?
Prescriptions in my pocket that I need to refill
Skeletons popping out my closet
Waiting for them to chill
I know the storm will subside
As soon as I am alone
Every bad idea presents itself
Each thought gains speed
And I’m swimming through a different sea
One that hates and holds skin up to a chart
One that rips my soul apart
One that holds me under water
Or puts me under dirt
One that judge me or you by the colors of our shirts
What a stupid existence this is
Killers within inches
Mixed with me and my indifference
I wish I could see you as you see me
But I feel agony
In my heart
Keeping my head down
My mind is full of shut the fuck up
I just want to think like everyone else
But I am manic depressed or schizophrenic
And I am sick
And you are perfect
And you are pure and I’m a pervert
And I am thinking too fast
On jaded and splintered circuits
Too many ringmasters
And a no purpose circus
I am just a shadow
In the wilderness
Noone will even get this
It’s just a relentless attack on anything
Worth living for
Just picture that,
All the bullshit you can’t handle
Under a fitted celtics hat
Take a walk into my superman highway
You’ll see the exits are closed
It’s like a mirror or a miracle that I can escape through this
Each word stitches up scars
From my heart, and ghosts of my past and present that visit me in the dark
And you may think my mind is sharp
But I can’t even see my favorite DJ
For free at Harvard yard
Wish I could put this problematic
Shit away and see 9thmatic and have him sign dream merchant and congratulate him on his degree
No
I’m a freak
And I have therapy
So I’ll listen to every beat
And memorize every rhyme
And write on the sidelines till I step on the mic
Remaining alone and silent
My only comfort
The words I write
A must have for any hip hop head
I sure am glad I found you via Broken Light.
I’ve read only two of your poems and I’m already impressed. Touched. Saddened. Gladdened.
“My mind is a demon mind
I mean a diamond mine
Depends on which day you catch me on”
That’s great, and I certainly understand!
😀
I was afraid that line might have caused people to judge me, but Im glad you understand. This is actually my 200th post. I plan on writing on today, in honor of national poetry month. I hope you read it, and really if you have friends like “us” please share this with them, I have struggled half my life with mental illness, and poetry and art is the best therapy in my opinion. Thanks again
Oh, I think many of our fellows would be pleased/relieved to see you saying those lines.
It was very brave of you to include those very lines despite thinking you might be judged.
I think expressing our creative sides is of utmost importance.