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the difference (the good side of me) by JSN WRT [poem 10 1/2]

O.k, you heard me earlier on the train

acting insane, filling the pen with rage

now I got the hiccups, and thinking of all the shit I said

and I calm down, take my pills and then its off to bed

to do this shit again

Something needs to change

right now i am weighing in at 278

my back and my ankles hurt, and I got a crazy beard on my face

I am changing right now, like an old pair of pants

I am going to be positive when I can, and smile

when I get the chance

You caught me, on the train

I’m sorry

Even my ma asked me whats wrong with me

“You sound down, Jase” “Maybe your meds need to be adjusted”

please don’t adjust my meds I’m thinking

doctors can’t be trusted,

and me and Lis, are now planning for a wedding

SO I got to kick out the sweets,

quit smoking cigarettes, WW it, and use the low fat dressing

So yeah, I’m not always sad, I guess I’m agoraphobic,

and this other illness, its all about depression

and a little mental contortions,

Maybe im a protagonist,

cause I’m not protesting abortions,

I believe in equal rights,

and believe in the good of people

I’ve never carried a gun, don’t know how to hold one

never really had money,

and believe that money causes problems,

went on wheel of fortune, true story,

went home empty handed,

how many can say that?

Need to get a car, instead of taking out a loan,

or getting another job,

my mom said go on who wants to be a millionaire,

thats how we actually talk.

I dress like a slob, and wear a shirt and tie to work

Not quite awake till my first sip of coffee,

and nothing can stop me from my eyes getting heavy,

and my head falling, trying to stay alert,

but thats what happens when you have your meds in the morning

kicking in twenty minutes onto the train,

and people at work don’t know what meds I take,

and how they are crazy sedating,

and the weird thing is that you have to keep that shit to yourself

and that is the most frustrating thing

mental illness, yeah, I talk about it

some can’t easily hide it,

me I love my problems, I obsess over them, and sleep side by side them

But hey, one life to live, right

so I’ll keep on kicking

You  might see a different side of me, around early evening

and then see the chill side of me, when I finally can breathe again,

I just figured, I would write a poem, telling you the difference

to calm my mom, and to tell you all depression

is my princess, and I am in love with it.

sadness fuels each sentence.

mania revs my engine

and poetry, I live and breathe it

I feel I need some positivity, maybe a change in scenery

have any suggestions?

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3 thoughts on “the difference (the good side of me) by JSN WRT [poem 10 1/2]

  1. You’re so talented man! You’re not alone! Hit me up! Jlow…

  2. Suggestion: keep writing, this is great.
    P.S. I was booked for an audition for Wheel of Fortune but the car broke down and I couldn’t get there. Also true. 🙂
    “We” are often good with words, hm?

    1. Thank you so much. I am so touched that you like my work, thank you!

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