“Heart’s Desire” © Edward Michael Supranowicz
Jake Gyllenhaal Leaves Taylor Swift a Voicemail
This is Taylor’s phone. I’m not available at the moment. Please leave your message and contact information, and I will get back to you when I can. Thanks!
Heyyyyyyyyy Taylor, how are you doing?….
I hope you said well!…
Heh…. *Clears throat* ….
Uh, so listen, I hope you don’t mind but I got your number through your publicist. I know you probably never ever want to see me again, pun intended, but I feel like I need to make things right here…..
Alrighty, I’ll get right to it. I heard that you re-recorded that song again. The one about us? You know which song I’m talking about, a bit it all too well, ha! Did it again!
Well, I was thinking about everything that went down between us and I have to say, I think you may be going a bit overboard. I mean come on, we dated for like three months total. And this was almost ten years ago. Surely by now you’ve gotten some closure. I mean, it wasn’t all bad, right? I have to tell you that ever since that song came out, I’ve been put through hell. Do you know what it’s like when I go out to dinner and the female waitress side-eyes me while setting down my quinoa salad? Or, how my name is constantly thrown around in those “Which ex-boyfriend is this Taylor Swift song about? Let’s look at the evidence!”
Speaking of, could you possibly tone it down a bit on the whole “he gave up on our forever” part? My girlfriend tends to get a bit feisty with me when we’re out in public and some fan girl screams at me from across the street “LOVING HIM WAS RED!” or “GIVE TAYLOR BACK HER SCARF YOU ASSHOLE!”
Honestly, Tay, it’s getting real old, real quick. It’s been years of this now and not once have I said a word in response to your song. You know why? For one, we both know I can’t hold a note so singing my version of events is out of the question. And two, I felt like things were fine the way we ended them. It was a brief and loving time together, but it wasn’t like we were married or something. But after your recent SNL performance, where you decided to “recreate” our relationship in a short film while leaves fell all around your angelic face, I can’t help but feel like you’re making me out to be the devil and that’s not fair. Haven’t I suffered enough? Can’t you write some new songs about any of your other exes? Oh! Here’s a new idea: maybe write about your new relationship? I’m sure he’d love to have his own song too.
Look, I have no idea if Maggie still has your scarf. I don’t know if this scarf is real or just something you created symbolically. If you did leave it there, I couldn’t tell you which one it was. It was the late 2000’s, when scarves were hip to wear year-round. Do you have any idea how many scarves my sister and I have collectively? Probably a hundred.….
Here’s my offer to you: Stop singing that song and in return, I’ll box up every single scarf that I can find and mail it to you ASAP.
Please, pleaseeeeeeeee, just let me know what I can do to make this stop.
Call me back when you get this.
Maybe we can get togh…
Bethany Bruno is a born and raised Florida author of fiction, nonfiction, and poetry. She holds a BA in English from Flagler College and an MA from The University of North Florida. Her work has been previously published in numerous publications, such as The MacGuffin, Ruminate, Lunch Ticket Magazine, Litro Magazine, and DASH. She’s working on her first novel and recently earned a 2021 Best of the Net nomination.
Edward Michael Supranowicz has had artwork and poems published in the US and other countries. Both sides of his family worked in the coalmines and steel mills of Appalachia.