I hate myself today.
I hate my brain today.

I don’t always feel like this.
Not always.

But today, I hate myself today.
I hate MYSELF today.
I hate my brain today.
I hate MY brain today.

Persevere over every thing.
It’s a choice. I choose to stay here.
I choose to live here.
In this world.
I choose it.

I hate MYSELF today.
I hate my brain today.
I hate MY brain today.

I will allow it.

Because I don’t always feel this.
I am not the best at this living shit.
This skin is ill fitting, and I feel it.
I feel like wripping the flesh off my bones,
and walking my skeleton down
to the end of it all.

But not today. I won’t.
I know that a little bit of wickedness got into my dreams,
said I did not deserve to wake up from sleep.
They pick me apart, when I am in their presence.

I hate MYSELF today.
I hate my brain today
I hate MY brain today.

Persevere over Every Thing.
I will get through this feeling.
Like I have gotten through many in the past.

Sleep is the king.
Sleep knows what’s next for me.

Look, I can write about it.
I am not manifesting death, if I talk about death.
I am not manifesting love, If there is none.

So, I can speak ill about myself, and the anger and hatred I feel.
The foul ball feeling, I have that my life is a b-movie.
That I am some kind of horror freak.
I hate that I feel like this.
But I do.
Today, I do.

And this is not my best day.
And it is not my worst day.
Or my last day.
Its just another fucking day.

But I will get through.
Persevere over Every Thing.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now.