I don’t know how I can get this sad.
I don’t know how I can feel like this
all the time and not give up.
I don’t know how anxiety has become such a strong barrier.
I don’t know how paranoia has made my snake a rattler.

I just wish I could change my situation.
I’m an alien in this space station.
I need to read and meditate, fall back on the words that used to soothe me—
like gravity, the apple and the tree.
If I knew who I was and where I was going.

If I wasn’t afraid of your face, your voice
your words, your face, your systems,
your anger, your misunderstandings,
your embarrassment, your widowmaker,
your thought hearing, your half-flag raising,
your unsafe streets, and your sadness and apathy,
America, then maybe I could walk free.

But me I am an angry inch, a sober stain on a blood stained shirt.
I am only as alive as the beginning of the record before the turn,
the flip. I am not your drug culture,
I don’t get high and laugh.
I take a bubble bath with Zyprexa.
Zyprexa is ugly,
not sexy like Karma.
Not single like Dhalia,
not empty like Me.
Not wired and witless.
Zyprexa is a hideous bitch goddess. Lamictal, it’s dog.

And me the prescribed, we the people.
The Prozact, The Lamicted, the Ativania,
the geodonic society, the lithiumial, The schizo-affected,
the Saturday night crossword solvers. We the people.
We the medicinal animals tamed in mental asylum,
in a scrapbooked album, in a Polaroid,
we the paranoid android, we the people.

We the impregnable, we the avoided.
Turn around Delta, turn around Bright one,
we the Devo, with Freedom of Choice.
The Mothersbaughed motherless.
We the khakis, we the xxl, we the sandals,
we the sandwich makers, we the medicinal,
we the cannabanoided paranoid.
We the Eyedea Resting on the beat, resting in peace.
We the chain, we the ball,
we the Socially distorted. We the people.

I am one in many. We the half raised. We the affected. We the remembered.
Me the forgotten.


Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His latest collection Train of Thought: Poems From the Red Line, is now available for purchase.