Jagged Thought #2: Stuck

Stuck in the mud

I’m stuck
In the mud
Not dumb but wish I
Could be someone

Realistically
Statistically
Idiocy is my
History
Where Nothing matters
But whatever
I’m writing sentences
Putting words together
And if heaven is on earth
Well hell sounds a lot better
Cause if being underemployed
Or not living up to your potential
Is hell then I’m the fucking devil

Wish my skills of words
Held ground
Slipping up
And falling backwards
My words fall foreword
And don’t make a sound
Barely hit the ground
And

Oh god what should I do now?
Wish I had more wishes
Could talk in digits
And fought the dragon
Saved the princess
Princesses plural
Wishing I made a difference
In your world
Saving children in starving countries
Fighting wild fires and doing something
Getitng kittens out of trees
Healing disease
Getting shot out of a cannon
Spinning 360 degrees
Catching bullets in my teeth
Saving the coral reef
Finding the lost Cities of Atlantis
Winning the Nobel peace prize
Becoming poet laureate
Teaching illiterates to read
Music
And deaf people to hear it
Can’t let my lack of success kill my spirit
God make me fearless
And make me the meanest
With the skills I need to
Fight this illness
Apathy
Feeling of mediocrity
this Ship is sinking feeling
Of the whole world around me
This I’m giving up mentality
The broken leg feeling
The earth shaking and dead
Sea scroll reading braille feeling
The storm and the sun
Making love at dusk feeling
Producing high winds and
Uprooting the house that I am living feeling
This sinking suspicion that I am a villain
Not a symbiotic being floating in the stream with everyone else
Losing steam clocking In
And daydreaming all the time
Putting tired rhymes to a tired audience trying to make
My poems feign positivity
Out of taxes and ending in death
The only constant is the feeling of anxiety feeling where teeth grinding nicotine pulse pounding heart beating feet falling from under stolen sneakers feeling
Where dreams and meds are your only savior feeling

The I’m dead or dreaming feeling
The positive and absolute feeling of inferior and complex
Moods changing with the monotone t operators voice feeling

The feeling of needing my father’s teaching feeling, maybe call him tomorrow and say I miss him feeling
Knowing he’s the one behind this disorder feeling

Stopping and reading signs before bleeding feeling
Ending a poem

Hoping for a quiet night and a better day
Feeling
Ending this poem on a dime feeling

Subway beauty last stop
princess never knew the real me
Ending in mid sentence
Heaven is endless

Why do we pretend to not see it?

Why do we pretend to not see it?

Why do I pretend to not see it?

Why do i pretend to not see it?

I wish I could see something
I’m praying to see something

Enlighten me
Please fucker I’m begging for it….

Sometimes you have to show your teeth but it doesn’t mean you have to smile.

Just another Jagged Thought by Jason

 

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His “Jagged Thoughts” will be an ongoing feature on this site.

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