Thank you and good night!
Applause, wait for them to leave
Step outside.

I see you for three seconds
Enough to let my soul show
And I retreat back to my shell
Back to this cold stare
Back to empty glasses
Back to over looks on the train
Back to burying myself in notebooks
Back to less then eye contact
Back to a bedroom mind and sleepless nights
Back to a wine bottle and a table for one
(I am only as alive as my dreams say I am
And in them I am pronounced dead on the arrival of a mountain goat and a blow torch
After all I am dreaming, right?)

In my mind I am as empty as this medicine cabinet
But this must be a dream
Be it not a medicine cabinet
But a bedside table and a black box that once held a Christmas gift,

This is where I find
My medicine box

I am only as real as the meds the doctor gave me

I’m sure these weren’t the dreams you had for me,

The meds
The dead end
The pay check (play pretend grown up this open chest can you see your heart beating?)

I am only as empty as the black meds box,

And the prescriptions for liquid thought I can’t quite predict when this will end
just the meds hitting my blood stream

It’s time for me to sleep,

But I’ll never ever give up
I know how depression feels

I know how the wheel spins, I know how my mind thinks
I know how the end begins.

Find solace in a spray can.

Make something ugly beautiful

And with that last thought I close my eyes…and let the night sky wash over me like a Mussorgsky midnight