For so long I traveled longing a destination God knew was an oasis

To stand before another who would reflect through admiration a validation of my Goodness

I couldn’t
See myself in my thoughts as what I needed another to confirm

You’ve done good
You’re kind
You’re beautiful
You’re not alone

When you travel with eons of baggage
Your concentration is on the weight
Not their contents
Those contents
Are remnants of memories crossed roads formed

Those contents are
Spoiled fruit
Rotten meat
Expired foods
Empty containers
Outgrown shoes
Damaged goods

For so long I traveled lost seeking the mirage of a gentle perfect being with the gift of seeing
          through those suitcases and tossing them

For me.

I traveled with vultures overhead waiting for me to grow tired and rest so they could pick at my
          heart as I slept

I traveled with deceptive friendlies who grew inspired by the strength in me and knew I couldn’t
          say no to holding on to a few of their things for them

And then left

I traveled armed and always on alert causing motions that made me seem a jerk because a flinch
          would remind me of the traumatizing incidents I kept in my back pocket’s wallet

I traveled
Greeting other travelers who seemed to know where they were going.
I never envied

I traveled being greeted by other travelers who wouldn’t tell me I was lost but would toss
          another item into my knapsack as a keepsake of our meeting through fate.

I traveled
And was sheltered by gracious souls who could see what I was hiding and chose to host me as I
          presented
Concealing their medicine in warmth and care. They allowed and helped me to unpack.

Before those presences I was able to understand the destination I sought was not possible

I would be traveling until my last breath exhausted by eons of barriers on my back
Misled by the enemy within
Deserted by my own Self

For so long I traveled longing a destination God knew was an oasis

As I listened to the moon through another stream of tears
I
Began to realize I was resisting changing direction
I was insisting on giving my existence to the control of another
Because I feared the control I do not have

As the sun rose
I spoke
And heard to burn eons of truths that had become comforting lies
I spoke
And relieved the pressure I carried and sought to hand to another
I spoke and agreed to be more than empathetic
More than sympathetic
More than a travel mate
I chose to be Safe.

I chose to go inward with those traits.

As I have been a source and have been loved by sources I believed my inner peace depended on
          arriving at a Source.

I am my Source.

For so long I traveled longing a destination God knew was an oasis

From now on I sit in this place
Eon-less
Blessed
Comforted by my own validation
Admiring my own existence
And not for all it has endured and survived

I knit and hand stitch new bags to fill with present memories
Not of surviving
But of living
LIVING

Not as I have traveled
Powered by resilience only
I get comfortable in paradise and understand

I have arrived at my destination.

Intention.

 

 

Liza Zayas is a lover of writing and dancing and celebrates both as a singer and songwriter performing as Luna del Flor. You can hear her collaborative sounds and experience life through her storytelling. She invites you to dance. Her poetry seeks to initiate dialogue by intentionally expressing consequences of love, lust, ego and self-respect.