Now that we’ve seen the first storm of the year, it’s time for some practical winter advice.

Please be a decent human being and clean the fucking snow off your car. If that shit flies into a windshield, it can impair another driver’s vision. If it’s hard enough, it can shatter windshields.

Please be a decent human being, and take the snow off of your rear window. I had a woman graze my car two years ago because she couldn’t see behind her.

If you see the slightest bit of precipitation, even if your visibility is good, WHILE YOUR WIPERS ARE ON, TURN ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEADLIGHTS! I can’t even count the amount of times I nearly got T-Boned, or clipped by cars who’d thought I could see them in downpours and heavy snow. Don’t be that asshole who causes an accident because someone couldn’t see you.

Use judgment during storms. If the road looks slick, or untreated then you should probably be driving 10-15 miles under the speed limit. That is unlesss you want to participate in the Michelle Kwan challenges. I mean doing figure eights in the middle of the highway and shit.

This is probably the most important one. DO NOT SLAM ON YOUR BREAKS IF YOU ARE DRIVING ON UNTREATED ROADS. At that point you might as well drive on an ice rank because that’s how it’s gonna feel. If you listened to anything I said in number 4, neutral will be your best friend. At a slower speed, your can put your car in neutral, and then SLOWLY DEPRESS YOUR BREAKS.

If you’re in the city looking for parking, and you see a spot with an object larger than your head, you can look, but you can’t touch. Matter of fact, just don’t even bother looking. Just accept the fact that you’ll be looking for parking for another 20-30 minutes.

These objects larger than your head (i.e. an old lamp, chair or coffee table) are called space savers. These things usually denote that someone nearly broke their back to ensure they have a guaranteed spot for their car.

If you move that space saver and park in that spot, don’t be surprised if your car looks like it went through a wood chipper.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Take care in this weather.

Stay classy…

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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