Good morning Mr. Spider
Or perhaps Mrs. Spider
Sorry to greet you with a gender-specific title
But I can’t just call you spider now can I?
Perhaps if I knew your first name I could call you by it?
If you have none, could I just call you Charlotte?
Interesting place to build your web
On the third floor of an office building
Catch many flies here?
I’m surprised the wind has not blown you away
I suppose that your web is very durable
Shaking in the wind as it is
I suppose I should think of something clever to write about you
Like how Spider’s are nature’s artist
Building their webs like a well-crafted novel or song
Or how about how cruel the nature of your existence is
As you feed on those ensnared in your web
You are a metaphor for the very cruelty of nature itself
You blood-sucking fiend
Or perhaps you could just represent something more personal to me
Like an addiction or a dehumanizing day job
Perhaps if I am really smart I can think of a biblical allusion
About how my confidence leans against your web

But I won’t do those cliched things
I’ll just sit here watching and admiring you instead
And thinking about your web just blowing back and forth in the breeze
With you in the center as still as a lizard in the sun
Completely unfazed by the height of the building
Or the people working inside
I wonder if you care whether or not you even catch a fly up here
I did see a grasshopper on the north-facing window a few days ago
That would have been a nice meal for you
Me, I’ll just stick with my bowl of chicken soup
I will admit I am a bit terrified of you
Probably because I don’t like being bitten by insects
And I know that creepy creatures like you crawl around at night
Biting me whenever you feel like it
But you are also very beautiful
In a way
Your design is perfect
I like the way your web looks and the way you just sit in the middle waiting
I like the pattern on your back and the black and white stripes on your 8 legs
What a great number of legs to have!
What’s most impressive
Is how you’ve managed to let me rethink my own life by doing nothing more than
Building your web outside the window by my desk
Should I too remain calm in this wind? Just kick back,
Conserve my energy and let my reward come to me in good time?
Thank you Charlotte
Guy in a cube


Andrew Borne is 2 Cups Poet 1 teaspoon Musician 1/4 teaspoon Salt 1/2 cup Absurdity 3/4 cup Chef 1 egg, beaten 2 1/3 cups Family Man. Mixed together and served raw. His column 7x appears weekly in Oddball Magazine.