Poem by Tybee Tallulah Maitri

Artwork © Eric N. Peterson

Trans-Panic Defense

I’d prefer you don’t.

Trans-panic.

I will say it again, rape is never consensual
it does not matter if it “felt good” that does not equate to
consent.

Fire my skin.

They have and they will.

28 dead and counting.

They can hide between
the law
and lies.

There is
a difference

between “them”
and
me.

the skins we wear~
How I evolve.

Darwin’s theories first rejected.
The original Christians
questioned god.

My pronouns are he, him, his–…

It doesn’t matter what I look like.
I am who I am.

Like the wind,
they cannot control me.

And, so they try harder
to push me, hold me down.
to make me smaller.

I am
a speck
of
stardust
a reflection
a
truth.

The in-between.
Intersex.

Uncircumcised.
I clean.

Dead name me, to see
if I am
a real boy?

I dare to walk, sing, dance, laugh, live,
create, read, dream,
hear
heal my own
voice
out loud in the tone and bathroom.

I choose.

I can, bind, remove, heal,
lift, learn, pass,
and earn equal pay
one day.

I want Respect.

To feel safe
walking down the street–
Eating dinner at a welcoming table in a stable house.

It is ok to rent this home to me
– to be alone and at peace.

No more living every moment with fear.

No.

I cannot wait
inside,
alone, in the closest,
in a box,
under my bed.

No.

In a coffin, while, I am still breathing.
just lay here …….. XXX
and play dead.

No.

Not today.
Not tomorrow.
No, thank you.

No.

I will wear my skin,
inside and outside,
all the same?

No.

I am sorry
I cannot help or hold your shame.

No.

My arms are filled with hope.

No.

That venom
Doesn’t work on me
any
more.

No.

I have had enough.

NO.

No, thank you.

I am very different.

NO.

Please do not.

Trans-panic me.

No.\\

The first words I spoke,
as an infant were,
                  no.

Please do not
    Make me,

Make them
Be my last.

No.

Tybee Tallulah Maitri is a queer artist from New England who studied studio art and photography at Simmons University. They also have a BA from the University of North Carolina in Asheville in Women, Gender, and Sexualities Studies. They are inspired by nature, the cosmos, community, their higher power, their environment, as well as other artists. They work in mixed media collage, photography, clay, poetry, and woodworking. They enjoy the feeling of materials in their hands and the ability to construct new realities from pieces of material. They have lived in Western Northern Carolina for ten years and enjoy and are inspired by their environment and community.

Eric N. Peterson is from Atlanta, Ga. He’s been drawing cartoons all his life. He leans towards the absurd, imaginative, and the surreal, as that’s where all the flavor is.