Photography © Chad Parenteau

 

Rat Fishing

in Baltimore’s back alleys is an exercise in patience and adaptation for all parties. Rats learn the many flavors of poison, its smell and after tang. They prefer peanut butter, chunky if you’ve got it. A good barbeque sauce will delight them for a time, and god knows there’s a whole tasty rainbow of tastes to sample. But don’t even think to mess with them with habanero, ghost pepper, or Scotch bonnet. Your bait will only rot. It’s not like they can’t see you. You’re on their territory. It’s their night. And someone else’s trash to be had. They may be wary but they are not Fraidy Rats. Their eyes glow with what little light there is. When you move to cast your weighted baits, twin black 4X treble hooks in a paired setline 3’ apart on 10 lb. braided line, with a 2 oz bullet weight at the end, they are curious as it lands and slides to a stop near an overturned can. Like fish, rats sometimes snap at new things, especially if there’s a compelling smell. Or they may simply engulf temptation. The trick is to keep your line taut, tightening it up, or perhaps shifting it slightly to create interest. Processed turkey slices are a solid choice. They have a smell that travels fast and far. Especially if bolstered with a smear of PB. This sport usually requires a metal baseball bat. That’s the reason you take another fool with you. It’s not like you have a taxidermist friend who will give you a wholesale rate on mounted rats. Even hawks avoid them as road kill. They have higher standards. You see this as a sport. Undocumented. Unlicensed. No harm. No fowl. It’s not like fisherman who will stretch out their catches to maximize the length of their kill. Once the bat goes splat and the body ceases to be, there will be no funeral. No wake. Nothing but unhinged bones and a smear in the morning.

 

Richard Weaver volunteers with the Maryland Book Bank, CityLights, and the Baltimore Book Festival. In his spare time, he’s the official writer-in-residence at the James Joyce Pub in Baltimore. Previously, he was an Assistant Professor at the 3rd oldest Jesuit College in this country where he taught in the English Department and was the Head of Library Circulation, one of two Reference Librarians, and acting Archivist. His first published poem appeared in Poetry Magazine April 1975. In his less-than-spare time he reads for Slant magazine. In a previous life he was one of the founders of the Black Warrior Review and its Poetry Editor for the first 4 years.

Chad Parenteau is Associate Editor of Oddball Magazine.