Party like it’s 3999

he’s at the bar every day, drink in hand
      hard-wired, programmed
          to be the life of the party
6’-5 all chrome, titanium
      he has such magnetism
          to so many people
especially the women on his arm

one gal pulls his lever
      one hundred dollar bills
          fly out of his mouth
another lady turns his knob
      his eyes roll like a slot machine
          and flash
that night’s winning lottery number

he unscrews his finger
      pours everyone a shot
          then hits the dance floor
he’s doing “the robot” down a “Soul Train line.”
      while they chant,
          “Go Robot Go,”
his moves are smooth, well-oiled

with a snap of his fingers
      the music goes static
          all movements freeze
tired of the rock classics
      he twists his wrist
          the music switches
to Industrial, Aggrotech

the dancing resumes with The Robot in the middle
      he effects a break dance head spin
          an act of art and science
the vortex he’s creates
      throws people off their feet
          and flings debris
the spinning increases, momentum swells

everyone grabs hold as the floor breaks open
      he makes a spiral decent
          like a giant cork screw through butter
when the bar settles, and people gather themselves
      they realize The Robot has disappeared
          then the women cry,
“Where is our sexy machine”

several theories regarding his whereabouts exist:
1. he hit an aquifer and rusted
2. he entered a wormhole and transported to an unknown dimension
3. this was all a setup to enter the “witness protection program”
4. he went to China

nevertheless he will be missed
      by many friends
          and fans
each year the bar holds a vigil
      they light candles, retell stories,
          and have live bands
this festival lasts several weeks

the bar adopted his image as their brand
      t-shirts and beer steins are for sale
          in the gift shop and online
an annual “Miss Robot Pageant” is held
      after the bikini paint ball competition
          the champion is crowned
and given the sought after embroidered sash

the proceeds go to The Robot Foundation
      for inventions to benefit humanity
          such as, sound activated lingerie with LEDs


Photography © TJ Edson

Photography © TJ Edson


Nick Romeo is a multidisciplinary artist, musician and poet. His poems have been published in The Brentwood Anthology by Pittsburgh Poetry Exchange, Uppagus, Rune, StreetCake Magazine, The Jewish Literary Journal, Eye Contact, and Syzygy. He lives in Pittsburgh with his wife and cat, Megatron.

TJ Edson is the Art Director of Oddball Magazine and a volunteer at the Out of The Blue Art Gallery. He has also had work appear recently in Boston Compass.