Photography © Jennifer Matthews

 

he opened the screen door, smiled and said, “hello, beautiful”

a man who can not
admit that he is wrong
is exactly thatsometimes
if you scream
and slam doors
and go outside
to lay on the
damp pullout couch
that you picked up
with the
“free” sign
you stole
while you
sing
and think about
these things,
sometimes
“hello, beautiful”
is the apology
you are needing to hear
and words could do
no better.

when i was little
(small)
maybe five
even four years old
i would watch my
mother
cover her ears
and cry

we woke up to
holes in the walls
less money
and every now and then
something like
that broken knuckle.

my father
could hurt
my mother
who loved us
and sometimes
not often-
maybe once or twice
i thought
we would all
die
then and there
just like that.

i was scared
but i loved him
i loved him
with
all
my
heart.
all of it.

because
sometimes
when the fight
started
so
so
small
they would
argue
over something like
i don’t know
my dad incessantly
chewing on those red
two liter diet coke lids
(meth)
and spitting them out
all over the house
in the corners of the kitchen
and living room.

they would argue
because everyone
that loves
argues
and the two
you find
arguing the most
are each
separately convinced
that they love
the other
(just a little bit
more).
but after some
time and always
silence,

(he would open the screen door,
smile and say, “hello beautiful)

my mother
she would not
blink.
she would
glare.

my father would wait
because my mother
speaks in silence
and then we would know
he loved her.
and i was five
maybe even four
and i knew he loved her.
i knew he was sorry
everyone could see
he was sorry
nasa could see
he was sorry.

but my mother
she would never
blink.
and my mother
would never
speak
and
my heart
would break
and i would speak
with the silence
i learned from my mother.
i would plead
for her to see
that he was sorry
but she never
could

 

Hannah Roberts: “I am a writer/musician and a single mother. I have never been published and have been looking for a place to start. I am fairly odd.”

Poet/Photographer Jennifer Matthews’ poetry has been published in Nepal by Pen Himalaya and locally by the Wilderness Retreat Writers Organization, Midway Journal, The Somerville Times, Ibbetson Street Press and Boston Girl Guide. Jennifer was nominated for a poetry award by the Cambridge Arts Council for her book of Poetry Fairy Tales and Misdemeanors. Her songs have been released nationally and internationally and her photography has been used as covers for a number of Ibbetson Street Press poetry books and has been exhibited at The Middle East Restaurant, 1369 Coffeehouses, Sound Bites Restaurant in Somerville and McLean Hospital.