V’s for Varoufakis: a Doobie-Doobie-Do, YouTube Beaut
by Acwiles Berude and Ewald E. Eisbruc
Jan Böhmermann is at the mike in his gray suit and tie.
He sings out Wir Sind Deutsche with much gusto and mince pie.
“The Germans are trustworthy, honest, and as hard as steel;
they’re tough as leather, fast as dachshunds, punctual as heels,
afraid of naught, including pig entrails and blood sausage.
They also have been known to take red cabbage as [a] hostage!
They’re known for lovely, soothing music and linguistic sweets.
The Germans are so humourous. They never miss a beat!
When they speak English they sound as if they are speaking Greek,
or Sigmar Gabriel when he is out and flogging sheikhs.
The Germans are a feckless bunch of mothersucking sheep,
until they have to face the finance minister of Greece.
They have sex with their closest relatives from bar to Saar,
and the fourth largest of economies now in the World.
Their gold reserves are second in the World. Who knows why?
They started two great World Wars and lost both by the by.
They don’t fear death, but they dread Greeks who offer them their gifts,
like Yanis Varoufakis, when he has one of his tiffs.
The Greeks put hell into Hellenic. Zeus has been released.
But everybody thought the gods were dead and long deceased,
including Nietsche, dead and gone, who must leave them alone.
Greek eyes are laser beams that penetrate the Eurozone.
The Greeks are clearly nemeses for German banking ghouls.
The Germans see their climbing debt. They panic in their souls.
How can the German finance minister stand up to Greeks?
Greeks slurp up yogurt, feta, olives; they are ouzo freaks.
They sprinkle feta, gobble olives, hummus, pita bread.
They fill their phyllo shells up with goat cheeses and fig spread.
The Greeks are hairy greasers who are loud and carefree bums.
They smoke like choo-choo trains, they gossip, and they live on crumbs.
What chance do Germans have against the awesome Grecian folk—
the blue and white spectacular against the schwarz, rot, ¬gold?”
Bruce Wise writes in various charichords (anagrammatic heteronyms). This poem is in one of my Greeks and one of my Germans (apologies all around for those who are offended).” Much of the material comes from the YouTube video V for Varoukis.
TJ Edson is the Art Director of Oddball Magazine and a volunteer at the Out of The Blue Art Gallery. He has also had work appear recently in Terrarium.