Artwork © Eric N. Peterson
One Million Moms vs Oreos
1.
Reasons for moms to boycott Oreos:
Sugar, Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced
Iron,Thiamine Mononitrate {Vitamin B1}, Riboflavin {Vitamin B2},
Folic Acid), Palm and/or Canola Oil, Cocoa (processed with Alkali),
High Fructose Corn Syrup, Leavening (Baking Soda and/or Calcium
Phosphate), Cornstarch, Salt, Soy Lecithin, Vanillin – an Artificial
Flavor, Chocolate
Reasons moms are boycotting Oreos:
The Gay Agenda
Things my mom said when I told her about my Gay Agenda:
okay but you still have to have a child before 35, I’m proud of you,
I love you, I admire you, you only have ten years before 35, I’ll pay
for it, just promise me you’ll think about it, I’m proud of you,
I love you, I admire you, are you going to eat that last cookie
2.
Snacks a vegan looks for in a vending machine when traveling:
Oreos
Snacks my grandmother would schlepp on a twelve-hour flight when visiting us twice a year:
Oreos, Baby Ruth, Reese’s Pieces, Nutter Butters, Milky Ways,
Twizzlers, Hershey’s Chocolate, Mr. Goodbar, Butterfingers, 3
Musketeers, KitKats
Snacks I don’t eat anymore:
Baby Ruth, Reese’s Pieces, Nutter Butters, Milky Ways, Twizzlers,
Hershey’s Chocolate, Mr. Goodbar, Butterfingers, 3 Musketeers,
KitKats
People that died before I told them about my Gay Agenda:
My grandmother
People I wish I had told about my Gay Agenda before they died:
My grandmother
The first time I heard the word gay:
My grandmother, “I feel pretty oh so pretty and witty and gay”
3.
Videos I sent my mom this week:
My weekly attempt at a handstand
Videos I know my mom would have preferred to get:
An ultrasound
“It looked great!!
You’ll be walking in no time!”
Things my handstand wasn’t:
Great, Straight
Things you can’t eat if you want a Great Straight handstand:
Sugar, Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced
Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate {Vitamin B1}, Riboflavin {Vitamin B2},
Folic Acid), Palm and/or Canola Oil, Cocoa (processed with Alkali),
High Fructose Corn Syrup, Leavening (Baking Soda and/or Calcium
Phosphate), Cornstarch, Salt, Soy Lecithin, Vanillin – an Artificial
Flavor, Chocolate
My mom’s random messages two hours after the handstand:
“Truly amazing!
You were up there for a few seconds!
Love the song!”
The song:
“Ya Lo Sabes” by Marta Soto
4.
Marta Soto:
My current musical crush, my current crush, was my crush before I knew about her gay agenda
Marta Soto’s Gay Agenda:
Laid out last pride month in an Instagram post, “Estoy orgullosa de
ser lesbiana”, even came with an English version, “I am proud to
be a lesbian”
Things I needed to hear when my grandmother was still alive:
“Estoy orgullosa de ser lesbiana”, “I am proud to be a lesbian”
Things I could have said to my grandmother:
“I am proud to be a lesbian”
Things I know my grandmother would have said:
oh yes I knew already, you’re so pretty and witty and gay, here
have some Oreos
5.
Ways to eat your Oreos:
Top, Bottom, Middle, Side, Lick, Bite, Crush, Freeze, Crumble,
Break, Crack, Melt, Cream-first, Cookie-first, However You
Goddamn Want To
Ways conservative moms want you to eat your Oreos:
Not, And don’t swear in the name of God
Ways I eat my Oreos:
All at once, only when traveling
6.
Things Marta Soto responded in an interview when asked about her dreams:
“Ser mamá, lo tengo claro”
Things that are not on my agenda yet:
“Ser mamá, lo tengo claro”
Reasons they’re not on my agenda yet:
I can’t settle down, I’m too self-centered, I’m a millennial, I don’t
know how many Oreos children should be allowed to eat
Things Marta Soto has said in interviews that have made me cry:
“Ser mamá, lo tengo claro”
Things Marta Soto has said in interviews and I don’t understand why they made me cry:
“Ser mamá, lo tengo claro”
Other things that made me cry this week:
Oreos’ pride campaign video, Tuesday which would have been my
grandmother’s 92nd birthday, Marta Soto’s new music video
“Volvería”
7.
Things that scare conservative moms:
Oreos, The Gay Agenda
Things that are not on Oreos’ Agenda:
Making your children gay
Things that are on Oreos’ Agenda:
Making your children eat Oreos
Things that are on my Gay Agenda:
Making your gay children know they can be gay,
Making your gay children know they can be children,
Making your gay children know they can have children,
Making children with Marta Soto
Things that are not on my Gay Agenda:
Sugar, Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced
Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate {Vitamin B1}, Riboflavin {Vitamin B2},
Folic Acid), Palm and/or Canola Oil, Cocoa (processed with Alkali),
High Fructose Corn Syrup, Leavening (Baking Soda and/or Calcium
Phosphate), Cornstarch, Salt, Soy Lecithin, Vanillin – an Artificial
Flavor, Chocolate
Arella Gussow was born in Florida, grew up in Israel, spent some time living in Spain, and is currently pursuing a PhD in Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Her previous (non-scientific) writings have been published in Hebrew literary magazines and anthologies, but she is just beginning to experiment with English too. When Arella is not busy writing or doing research, she enjoys playing various musical instruments, working out, and overanalyzing pop culture.
“I started writing this piece in October 2020, after reading that the organization “One Million Moms” was calling to boycott Oreos…because of their pride-themed cookies?”
https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2020/10/one-million-moms-wants-cancel-oreos-jumping-cultural-war/
Eric N. Peterson is from Atlanta, Ga. He’s been drawing cartoons all his life. He leans towards the absurd, imaginative, and the surreal, as that’s where all the flavor is.
This is terrific! Bravo!