He’d have a Facebook page.
I’m
sure
one of his many harlots
would run it.
He would spend all his money on horses
and fantasy football.
He would mess with the TiVo
for hours to record
the Derby.
I imagine he would like cooking shows
and get his inspiration
from reality TV.
He would have a smart phone with a broken glass face
probably drop it in piss
or dip it into a beer glass after the ponies didn’t box his quinella.
I don’t think he would understand
Bluetooth.
He would probably like electric dance music as it is good for drinking
as it is good for hangovers.
Chuck in the age of communications.
Chuck on the View.
Podcast Chuck.
And he would be
cantankerous
and perfect,
Strolling down the roads of Los Felice
electric cigarette in his lips
Grasping a red bull
Going to some pub
To watch the ponies.

 

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.