I never belonged here.
Always been absinthe in the tooth
a cavity that needed to be filled.
Forgotten, pilled/Medicated, lifted.
Sinking into abysmal grief.
This cocoon of negativity
brings on the eight foot angels
The bright blue butterflies
I dreamt that coffin singing.
I dreamt that I was drowning.
And I woke up
Underneath the sea
seizures taking over my body
a little left to live.
A science I can not quite understand.
A loser with a pen that records
Because memories left me long ago
and although my pain
is killing me,
You see an empty shell someone to laugh at. To kick. To prod. To examine. To poor me, your spare change.
She asked, do you remember me?
We were 18 once
We had dreams.
We sat by the stream,
passed the weed,
Went to sleep
left me again.
They always leave.
My sadness is catching on like
a cold. A wood burning stove
Be proud they say
Yeah we say it loud,
And no one even knows why we shout.
They just see lames, unfortunates, crying liberty
They see Social Security checks,
On the welfare steps.
They don’t see us.
We don’t see us.
And no amount of neuro psych witchcraft
Will save me.
I am loser, lost, losing
But one time I was king.
Mania fill my cup again.
I want to be a part of your world
But I am pretty sure admission is full
And you are over capacity
This world was never meant for me
But my clouded judgement will continue
And I know this will pass.
And when you have no memory
Every day is a new day.
Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.
Concoct a miraculous potion or two a tiny round glass bong with thick borosilicate