I think people have given up on me.

My right side hurts.
My leg hurts.

The car was cold last night.
I think I am the only one who hasn’t given up on me.

And I want to.

Being me in my 40’s isn’t cool.
Just like how I struggled to maintain in my 30’s.
How I was a complete mess in my 20’s.

This 40’s me though…

Alone, apparently a narcissist.
Apparently.

I didn’t think I was one.
When your closest hand smacks you in the face…

Apparently, I am a narcissist,

Because I care about what I do at night.

I don’t have the energy.
I have to conserve it.

This is the poem you get from me.
This is all you get from me.
No, you didn’t get to me.

I have the world to do that for me.
But apparently, I do not have you to lift me.

I am lucky I can survive with little.
I have learned to live with little.

I can’t write a joke that will fix this.
Apparently, I am not funny.
And I am a narcissist.

If you agree, keep it to yourself.
I am trying the best I fucking can.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.

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