I’m sorry
I tried to be
something I am not.

I’m sorry
I smoked so much pot
and drank a lot.

I’m sorry I can’t
make my mind think
anything different.

God, I need deliverance.
They say perseverance
over everything.

But it doesn’t
get any better.
Water doesn’t get wetter.

The birds are
going to flock
and rock together.

The friendships
were made, they don’t
need one more.

That girl doesn’t
need you, doesn’t
take a chance.

it’s exhausting.
My love’s decimated
and my daughter?

My daughter is the
only one that
makes me shine.

And my life
doesn’t shine.
It shines like shining.

My life is a
Rubix Cube,
a Massoursky Midnight,

a Kubrick movie
A Van Gogh
painting.

My life is just
venom and my
enemies are waiting.

Sting me in my
stomach, and find me
somewhere sacred.

Hopefully I
stomached the pain
long enough.

I finally gave in.
Hope God lets me in.
Hope life is different.

There’s probably
a dress code and I’ll be
stuck in the waiting room.

I don’t know what to
do but keep putting
one foot on the pavement.

Stand tall in fear and
vitriol and bitter
accomplishments.

Get my chips when
they hand them to me.
Give them what they want.

Get into recovery and
stop obsessing about
what others are doing.

Wondering if there
sights are on you.
But this is God’s comedy.

And there’s always
a method in
His movements.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.