On Christmas
I became your uncle.
I write to you,
to let you know
Emmie has uncles.

You would be an uncle,
to those uncles.

(And I am mad at you!)

You would be here with us.
I miss you more than you know.
I hold it all in, but tears flow,

(And I am mad at you!)

I am so sorry; I wish I could have done more for you.
I wish I could have reached out and held you,
and told you that I loved and cared for you, and that
I would do anything for you, even if I was scared for you.

(And I miss you.)

It’s 6 years to the day, we laid you in your grave.
I am so sad right now,
but I sit in my cave,
wondering what the fuck was going on in your mind that day.

(And we love you.)

I can barely hear your voice in my head anymore.
So sad that the meds took it away.

I cry while the leaves fall.
I cry because you won’t see them
(And we hope your o.k.),

or play basketball with Emerson,
or tell a joke
to make her smile.

(And not afraid.)

I am sullen with the moon.

A gift from Heaven,
taken from the world too soon.
For why?
I can never guess.

(You are a beautiful one.)

A gift.
A beautiful gift.

I wonder about you.
I will wonder
till I join you.

(And I am mad at you.)
(And I am mad at you.)
(And I miss you.)
(And we love you.)
(And hope that you are o.k.)
(And not afraid.)

(you are a beautiful one.)


Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.