I am so sick
of being sick
of being sick.
I am actively tired
of resenting resentment.
I am actively tired
of being a better poet than you,
with no representation,
doing zoom open mics
to three people in my basement.

I am actively tired
of measured poems,
and meter and rhyme schemes,
playing around like dolls
in acid wash jeans,
when really,
you don’t want my genes.

I am not Batman,
and this is not Gotham.
I am so sad,
I could puke, be gone,
inoculated and forgotten.
I am so tired of being a nobody,
singing the nobody anthem.
I am tired of being the poster child
for mental illness, resilience, and then some.
I am so numb, my mind is lidocaine,
and this one thought I have
drives me insane.
Like it’s a loaded handgun.

And I am frustrated,
in my basement,
writing with no pants on.
Waiting for Guffman,
waiting for Godot,
waiting for a brain replacement
to come from Amazon.
Yet there is none,
so I guess off to buy
Magnesium, Xanthan Gum,
and a handgun.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.