Dear God:

It would have been a hell of lot easier to abide by those rules, the 10 Commandments, if you had just dumbed down the language and not scribbled on two slabs of marble.

Have you not learned that stone is not the best medium to convey your wishes?

In fact, one commandment would have been an outstandingly elegant statement ,making us the envy of the universe.

Something like, Thou shall always look Good!

Remember: We are human, and to err is what we do best!

Our actions are guided by our image in the mirror.

We like attention, and well-cut designer clothes.

Those loose fitting robes may work in heaven, but are unrealistic in our fast pace world where we pray nothing distracts us from our mission to look our best as we vogue along that great runway in the sky. Or go down in flames!

If you wanted us to behave, why in this world did you deliver us to a planet with wind, water, and polyester?

But it is never too late to state the obvious.

Draw that line in the sand and let the Devil know. Hell could never afford to keep us!


Janet Cormier is a painter, writes prose and poetry, and performs comedy. JC prefers different and original over pretty. She loves collecting stuff, but cleaning not so much. Janet also talks to strangers…a lot. Her column now appears weekly on Oddball Magazine.