Captains
Captain America sits down with Captain Switzerland and Captain France
times are not as they once were
America and France have always had problems with their uniforms
if it wasn’t for those little white stars, telling them apart would be tricky
with all that white blue & red
Captain Switzerland – he’s basically set
though a bit peeved about being frequently asked if he’s the medic.
Captain Russia and Captain Costa Rica should be there in an hour
Costa Rica heroes in a peaceful country with no military
so he’s, like, their only defense (besides, like, Captain America and the US military)
his costume looks very fancy and he loves coffee
Captain Russia arrives without smiling, like he just took a hefty dump
Captain Barbados has a solid tan and genuinely likes Captain Brazil
Captain Brazil’s shield is fucking cooler than anyone’s
like, objectively.
Last year at the same meeting, Captain Canada said something hilarious
what was it again?
it was so funny.
Captain Denmark is unexpectedly serious but can drink anyone under the table
Captain India is really, really busy
Captain Japan likes Captain America
never speaks of the two cigarette burns on his neck from that one fight
Captain Philippines knows where to get good shoes
Captain Spain – what can you say – they won the World Cup a while back
Captain America doesn’t really know what the World Cup is
Captain Romania lives in Transylvania and doesn’t sleep
He’s the only one who thinks Vlad the Impaler was a really great guy
Captain Vatican City is positively bedecked – he wears a lot of rings
You don’t want to get hit while he’s wearing his rings (which is all the time).
Captain Uzbekistan…?
So they all file in:
South Africa
Rwanda
The Maldives wipe their damp feet but show up just in time
the meeting is called into order in the back room of the large pub in Switzerland
Captain America announces that he’s officially renaming himself:
Supreme Commander America.
There’s blinking
Mexico holds back a smirk
others mutter, Whatever makes you happy, dude
Ireland says, Fantastic. Don’t change the shield, lad – the shield is good
flashes a winning smile at Brazil and calls the barkeep declaring, Drinks!
Now Captain Canada’s about to speak
everyone hushes up, smiling
’cause he totally said something side-splittingly hilarious last time
what was it?
Michael Monroe was on the Lowell National Slam team in 2012, and was the Development Director for the National Poetry Slam 2011 & 2013. He loves the spoken and written word, and his style is a versatile combination of whimsy, surrealism, humor, and serious themes concerning politics, living as an LGBTQ+ person, or cats. While writing he’s been an entrepreneur in green energy, and is currently on the board of the Bisexual Resource Center, a national nonprofit dedicated to the idea that you could maybe like more than one flavor of ice-cream.
Cesar Valtierra is a graphic designer from El Paso, TX and the creator of the webcomic, Balazo.