“Summer Waters” © Bonnie Matthews Brock

 

When I Was an After Picture

I collected hysteric glamour baby tees, vivienne westwood lace trim blouses, patella protruding from my stick legs lodged in geobaskets, white knit socks pulled up my thighs sliding low with every step, torn at the knee, dirt and blood dried crusty, abdomen out sucked in, cant let them see me breathe, you look great keep it up, chains layered over pearls and sharp clavicle, chin high tongue pressed to the roof until it hurt, belly ring hanging over layered tights, japanese brand size two add to cart check out, dont mind the pile in my room, low waist vetements sex appeal, no thanks i already ate, button up vest margiela, pleated mini skirt, up the hill my platforms crease, vision goes black, hang up on the ambulance, quilted jacket hole to sew, or maybe need to buy brand new, uber home, cant shame myself more, in bed sit distracted stare, empty, mind speaks in tongues of destruction, sacrifice my smile, do i even need to smile? sacrifice my laugh, to look in the mirror and like what i see, do i like what i see? they liked what they saw, external beauty, internal deterioration, but wow you are stunning, made me feel worth something, was i worth something?

 

Sophia Pechan is a poet in the green writing with expression of childhood, sexual identity and mental health through verse. As a biomedical engineering student in Boston, it wasn’t until her poetry elective that she discovered the therapeutic beauty and benefits of writing daily poems. You will now most likely run into her in an isle of a vintage bookstore sitting on the floor reading, in everyone’s way.

Bonnie Matthews Brock is a Florida-based photographer, as well a school psychologist. She loves hiking the urban and woodland trails of “anywhere” (and pausing often to shoot photos) with her very patient husband (and often collaborator), Ted. Her images have been featured on the covers of magazines such as Ibbetson Street, Wild Roof Journal, Poesy Magazine, Humana Obscura, and Arkansas Review; as well as on the pages of publications such as Oddball Magazine, Ember Chasm Review, Beyond Words Literary Magazine, Beaver Magazine, and Lateral. Her works are archived at institutions such as Poets House NYC, Brown University, and Harvard University.