Photography © Chad Parenteau

 

I Think I’ll Get Myself Fired Today

I was in the room,
I wasn’t really all
there at the time
but I had my
“Mr. Nice Guy,”
name-tag on

Roy kept trying to
make small talk with
me by asking
pointless questions

“Did you watch the
ball game this weekend?”
“Which one?” I asked
with no interest, “I hate sports.”

He laughed uncomfortably
And told me some lengthily
story about how
Team X (his team)
competed against
Team Y (the rival).

I didn’t care, and he
realized
That didn’t stop him from
continuing
Roy threw up several
sentences of
stomach acid covered words

I tried to remain calm
but my nose and eyes
were burning from
Boredom.

“I really don’t care
about any of this, Roy”
“Not a sports guy, huh?”
“Listen, if you say anything else
about sports to me today,
I’m going to take your
keys and throw them in
the pond outside the office.”

Roy looked about his office
for a moment, then
his car, then me
He looked pale and green
in the face and
was speechless.
He ran to the bathroom and
Vomited for a long time

He didn’t mention anything
about sports to me again
after that.

 

Shawn Hatfield is a writer and musician from Stephens City, Virginia. He writes and publishes for The Borfski Press and released his first book of poetry in 2016. He is currently working on a novel and nonfiction book. Hatfield often covers philosophy, societal importance, cultural significance, and observational humor.

Chad Parenteau is Associate Editor of Oddball Magazine.