Photography © Jennifer Matthews

 

How I Feel

I’m falling,
I’m tumbling,
I’m plunging
Headlong
Into this bottomless pit of dismal despair.
Don’t know what I’m going to do,
Have no idea where I’m going to go,
Nobody wants what I have to show;
I can no longer distinguish outright lies from hard truth.

I’m a drift,
I’m wandering,
I’m searching
For something solid to grab onto.
A floating fragment of wood,
A genie’s magic kite in the wind!
A bit of information that might be understood;
Oh when
Will this begrudging journey ever end?
A stone,
A bleached bone,
Both arms are wildly flailing!
I’m wailing,
There is not even a sour glimmer of a midnight moon!
I’m grabbing at nothing
Somewhere so deep inside this imperceptible gloom.

Ahead
The bitterly cold winds blow,
Behind
lakes of white hot flames
Leap and rage,
In between
The angry waters flow.
Where is my place on life’s stage?

So I stumble.
I stagger,
I bumble,
I pick along in a drunkard’s swagger.
Am I moving forward?
Might I be walking backward?
Could I be grooving in a circle?
I never intended for such to be so.

When I was young I imagined a place,
A glittering castle,
An envied employed space,
A life free of hassle;
But there was no foot landing to start,
No ladder to climb,
Nary an endearing heart,
No elevator to ride,
No warm guiding hand to grab.

So I floundered,
I wallowed,
My life raft transporting me to my ship crashed ashore!
I was shocked at how friends and everybody were so gelid
As I drifted off into a mysterious shapeless void.

 

H.L. Dowless is a thirty-five-year veteran writer who loves traveling and living life on the edge.

Poet/Photographer Jennifer Matthews’ poetry has been published in Nepal by Pen Himalaya and locally by the Wilderness Retreat Writers Organization, Midway Journal, The Somerville Times, Ibbetson Street Press and Boston Girl Guide. Jennifer was nominated for a poetry award by the Cambridge Arts Council for her book of poetry Fairy Tales and Misdemeanors. Her songs have been released nationally and internationally and her photography has been used as covers for a number of Ibbetson Street Press poetry books and has been exhibited at The Middle East Restaurant, 1369 Coffeehouses, Sound Bites Restaurant in Somerville and McLean Hospital.