I “slobbered” on a stranger’s car

It didn’t seem weird at the time. When I thought he wasn’t looking (emphasis on ‘thought’) I licked my index finger, placed it on his baby, and tried to rub the mark away.

‘He’ was a stranger in a hardware store carpark. A man whose face felt much too close to mine. I’d been straightening up after strapping our five-year-old son in his booster seat when I saw it approaching. The owner of the face was pointing a furious finger at a tiny white mark on his gleaming orange car, and driving daggers from his eyeballs into mine.

I told him that if my car door had touched his, I hadn’t noticed; I was sorry if it had—but I was pretty sure—no, make that very sure—that it had not. Lots of people have white cars, lots of things can make white marks.

As I spoke, I rubbed the mark and it began to fade. “Don’t rub it off!” he hissed. If the mark could be rubbed off, I wondered what the problem was—and asked. He said I’d be hearing from his insurance company.

I started taking photos, almost hoping to hear from his insurance company—it might be fun to see if anyone could spot the mark.

He was taking down my number plate when, thinking that he wouldn’t see, I tried just one more rub—this time with spit.

On reflection, this was his baby and I was out of line. When he told me not to slobber on his car, I backed away apologetically.

On one hand, my actions were appropriate: us mothers often clean our young this way. Then again, this baby wasn’t mine.

 

Emma Wilkins is a Tasmanian journalist and freelance writer who’s been published by a variety of magazines, journals and news outlets in Australia and beyond.