Smile though your heart is breaking.
Smile though your hands are shaking.
Find the struggle to be quite satisfying.
Living and dying. And Losing.

I don’t know what else there is for me to write about.
My life has been one kick down, after another kick down.
I don’t like anything I see.
When I see the mirror, I see a failure looking back at me.

I am lost and no one is here to help me.
Just gravitating around these funeral halls.
Lost and longing, drama and a comedy.

There is nothing for me here.
I am just a lost star out of earths gravitational pull.
Finding enjoyment in sleep, and the warm blanket you gifted me.

I need to change my clothes,
Wash my linens, and fix the springs that stab me in my sleep.
I wish I didn’t believe I could be more than this.

I wish I just accepted my nothingness.
But in the back of my mind, there is a little warrior cell
waking up from a deep slumber.

It is the hero cell, and it is what I need.
To change everything around.
Rewind back to a holiday scenery.
This hero cell is doing push ups, plotting and planning.

This hero cell, I pray wakes up, and take charge.
Takes the reigns and cleanses me
Makes me read a book, and do a fucking push up.
Puts me in place where I can rise above.
And directs me towards love.

I need this hero cell to wake up.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.