I don’t know
if it was that
I decided I’m done
for good.

That I decided
I don’t need you
or that
I’m above you.

Or that I realized
I’m grateful
to be away
from you.

Or that I made
a decision
to get better
away from you.

Or if it’s
the cold
New England weather
waking me up.

But I feel better
knowing that
I’m in control.
Not you.

That I can push
through without you.
That I can live
without you.

Maybe it’s
that I can
still see my
daughter

or that
the wife
still lets me
in her home.

Or that I enjoy
the rebuilding
of the damage
you caused.

I have court
in December,
have to explain you
to a judge.

But my world
seems brighter
without
you.

You have taken
much from me,
and I thought
I needed you.

But sleep
and family
is telling me
all I needed

was for you
to never enter
my safe space
and hollow me out.

I enjoy
doing
the next
right thing,

not lying
my way
away
with you,

letting you
make me
lose sleep
and cloud my dreams.

I like
the clarity
of letting
you go

and breathing
without you
in me.
Just for today

I do.

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.