When I die,
if I die, I don’t
know if I will,
’cause I never have

because death
might be life,
but when I die,
please know

I tried so hard
to put a smile
on my fucking face
so many times.

I got up
out of bed,
when everything
told me not to.

I tried to turn
3 star days into
5 star days with coffee
and an afternoon nap.

I loved you,
and I loved her,
and I missed you,
and I missed her.

I reached
for a star, burnt
my fucking fingers
but kept reaching.

I wrote words
first from pen
then moved
digital paper,

and they fucking
sounded good enough
that I never
fucking gave up,

and then I
really fucking
wanted to
but never did.

When I die,
let them know
that I tried
my fucking hardest.

But while I am here,
I can try harder,
strive to go
so much farther.

I can be
a better father,
butter bread better
for my daughter,

tuck her into bed
and live to see
her get out
of her crib.

I can be a
better brother,
a better friend,
A better husband,

a better reader,
better writer
take the craft
fucking seriously

and go for it
with these
fucking
words.

You might already be
doing what I need to.
I need to be
more like you.
 
 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly. His third book, Train of Thought 2: Almost Home is available now at the Oddball Book Store.