The E.A.R.: Creation Story – The L337 Version

 

Given that this is the Holy Week for many Christians, I thought I’d kick things off with some creative writing. This an abridged version of the creation story written in a way computer savvy people will understand. If you know computers and are decent with them you will get the humor of all this.

Do not read this if you don’t have a sense of humor as this is not designed to poke fun at the story but a rendition of the story in a L337 form. Me being Catholic, I enjoy the story and wanted to give this a computerized twist. This version of the story came about through a conversation my brother and I had several years ago on the same subject. I hope to re-write more bible stories in L337 form. I wrote this from memory so if there is any aspect of the Creation Story I’m missing, please let me know, I’ll be more than happy to make revisions.

After six days of hard and relentless coding, God gave birth to the ultimate OS(Operating System) had created Earth OS 1.0. Earth OS was God’s marveled creation, A creation six days in the making. God stored this OS in the Ultimate Infinite TB (Terrabyte) hard drive (C:). Within this hard drive, God created a partition known as Eden (E:). The Ultimate Infinite hard drive (C:) was formatted with only the finest file system. It was known as the NGFS(The New Genesis File System).

The Eden (E:) partition was a safe haven from the rest of the hard drive. Eden (E:) was a paradise where programs would grow and prosper God’s glory. Within this partition, God created his first program, Adam.exe in his image. God created Adam.exe by taking particles from several temporary files and sent a surge of electricity into him to make him a functional program. He then dragged and dropped Adam.exe into Eden (E:). Adam.exe was tasked with giving all of God’s programs names. The programs were helper programs designed to keep Adam.exe company. Adam.exe was also given one direct order. Within Eden there were two folders, E:\The folder of Life\Eternal Life.ddl and E:\The Folder of Knowledge\Knowlege.ddl. Adam could download files from the Folder of Life But not the Folder of Knowledge.

As time passed in Eden (E:), Adam.exe began to feel very lonely as his helper programs weren’t suitable companions. God seeing his pain but Adam.exe in hibernation and created another program just like him. Her name would be Eve.exe. Eve.exe was formed from a piece of Adam.exe’s code. Adam.exe finally had a companion whom he could share the rest of his days with. However, a dark cloud was about to fall over Eden (E:) as God’s rival company, Hell’s Gate would release their first virus, “Serpent.exploit” into the Eden (E:) partition.

The Serpent Virus was a program of sheer manipulation. The Serpent Virus would start its reign of terror in Eden (E:) by manipulating Eve.exe into downloading information from the forbidden folder E:\The Folder of Knowledge\Knowledge.ddl. Eve.exe then convinced Adam.exe to download info from E:\The Folder of Knowledge\Knowledge.ddl. God then became enraged and expelled both programs from the Eden (E:). He would then block access to the partition through Bit Locker Drive Encryption. Though the two were expelled from Eden (E:), this was only the beginning of all things to come as their fatal error would cause the corruption of programs everywhere. Earth OS 1.0 experienced only the first of many “Blue Screens of death.”

To Be Continued…

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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