“A Southern Aspect No. 1” © Bonnie Matthews Brock
After Our Last Encounter
My soul isn’t a recipe,
prepared to one’s own liking.
It’s been a month – thirty whole
days since I moved out. And he
wants me to return. But if I even
wanted to, he’d be the only one
who’d be happy. Which means
either he doesn’t understand,
or care.
It’s been a whole month apart,
seeing him only on occasion.
It took my leaving to see how
my being wilts in his presence.
Turning and twisting in awkward
uncomfortable moments that
feel too forced to be real.
Whatever progress I think I’ve
made instantly rolls itself back
as dread creeps upon my
skin. Arriving over goosebumps
that the chill delivered. My body
shuts down in gesture till I
become quiet and stare out
the car window like I’ve done
for years; tuning him out.
He said he went to confession,
the priest saying infidelity isn’t
the end of a marriage. But the
priest has neither been married
nor cheated on. And he doesn’t
know me anyway, along with my
husband. The very word feeling
like a punchline to a joke only
I’m privy to. The joke is me,
having sacrificed youth and
beauty for a band of gold that’s
since tarnished itself to a thrift
store shine. I no longer care
about it or the bedroom
makeovers consisting of new,
unasked for furniture and
repainted walls. Thirty years
have gone by – the walls
absorbing them out of my
very spirit. I look at them
and feel nothing. Then I
look at him and feel even
less.
Shontay Luna is a self-proclaimed goddess that lives in Chicago with her mix of pens, paper and Sons of Anarchy’s Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz fanfiction fantasies. A part-time public service worker, her poems have appeared in The Listening Eye, Canyon Voices, Toasted Cheese, EKL Review, Brittle Paper, and The Literary Yard among others. The author of four collections of poetry, one is a goddess themed journal with puzzles and affirmations for female self-esteem. Another is a poetic memorial to her paternal grandparents.
Bonnie Matthews Brock is a Florida-based photographer, as well a school psychologist. She loves hiking the urban and woodland trails of “anywhere” (and pausing often to shoot photos) with her very patient husband (and often collaborator), Ted. Her images have been featured on the covers of magazines such as Ibbetson Street, Wild Roof Journal, Poesy Magazine, Humana Obscura, and Arkansas Review; as well as on the pages of publications such as Oddball Magazine, Ember Chasm Review, Beyond Words Literary Magazine, Beaver Magazine, and Lateral. Her works are archived at institutions such as Poets House NYC, Brown University, and Harvard University.