The E.A.R.: It All Falls Down


 

As the latter half of summer comes about, I can’t help but replay a constantly reoccurring conflict. I love the summer, and the longer days that come with it. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. I love football, fall, and anything pumpkin related. I realize that in order for the fall festivities to come, summer must end. I present to you, a war that plays out in my head every year around this time.

Practical me: The days are starting to get shorter, summer is nearing its end. This sucks; I miss the longer days, and the 8:30 sunsets.

Inner basic me: But look at all the pumpkin shit that’s starting to come out! They’ve got your favorite pumpkin beer in stores.

Football me: YEAH! JUST IN TIME FOR FOOTBALL!!!!! LUCKY BEER!!!!!!!

Practical me: I guess that’s true, but these shorter days put a damper on my mood.

Football me: BLITZ FOR SIX!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T YOU WANT TO SEE BRADY GET A SIXTH FINGER SURGICALLY IMPLANTED ON HIS HAND?!

Practical me: I guess, but this cold weather doesn’t cut it for me.

Inner basic me: Ooh, I can’t wait for that crisp fall weather so that I can feel the warmth of a nice pumpkin spice latte.

Practical me: I’m trying to behave health-wise

Fatass me: Behave?! My nigga! Have you forgotten about the fall/winter trifecta known as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Soup Joumou day (A traditional Haitian Squash Soup eaten to celebrate the anniversary of the colony’s independence)?! Chill with that diet shit my nigga!

Inner basic me: Don’t forget about the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and the Purina Dog Show!

Football me: Fuck that noise! There’s three straight football games that day! One to tide you over for dinner, one during dinner, and one to fall asleep during when the Ittis kicks in.

Fatass me: My nigga that ittis be lit!

Inner basic me: Don’t forget pumpkin pies!

Fatass me: Mmmm! I love pumpkin pie! This basic dude got the right idea. We also need football snacks.

Football me: SNACKS GOOD! MUST GET SNACKS TO STRESS EAT DURING THIS SEASON OF THE BLITZ FOR SIX!

Inner basic me: We also need those pumpkin cheerios your boo bear got you last year.

Fatass me: Mmm Mmm!!!!!!!!!! I finna get me some of those.

Football me: FUCK THE EAGLES!!!!!!!!

Inner basic me: No one asked for your input love! We’re thinking of all the pumpkin shit we were deprived of during the summer!

Football me: WHERE IS ROGER?!

Practical me: Fine! You ALL win! My head is starting to hurt.

Patriots Preseason: 1 day
Regular Season Kickoff: 29 days
Patriots Season Opener: 32 days
Thanksgiving: 106 days
Christmas: 139 days
Feast of the Holy Family (A Catholic Feast Day very dear to me): 144 days
Haitian Independence/Soup Joumou Day: 146 days

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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