The E.A.R.: Road Trip Ramblings, 2nd Edition (A Very Jersey Turnpike)


 

1. The easiest way to blow $12-15 in under five minutes without ever stepping into a casino is to cross the GW Bridge.

2. Garden State my ass! I’ve entered Newark. A dump is more like it. People work very hard to have nice gardens. This is an insult to those with a green thumb.

3. Damn it Jersey drivers, why you gotta do that tortoise shit in the fast lane? It ain’t even that crowded. Now I understand why New Yorkers drive with the aggression they do. They’re fed up with your shit, so they take it out on everyone else.

4. I saw MetLife Stadium in the flesh. Does anyone have something that’s not bleach, but just as potent, and won’t blind me for life? I just need a thorough cleanse.

5. Does every asshole New Yorker drive an SUV? The cars that have passed me with the most aggression are SUVs. Talk about compensating.

6. Jersey Turnpike they said, it would be fun they said…

7. Apparently I’m not allowed to pump my own gas in NJ.

8. Princeton New Jersey is bougie AF!

9. The only redeeming factor about this stupid Turnpike is that there are six lanes of traffic on each side, with buses and trucks being designated to one side. When going towards the GW Bridge Northbound, the Turnpike does this really messed up thing where six lanes magically becomes three. It is possibly one of the nastiest merges I’ve done in my life.

10. There is a rest area on the Turnpike conveniently close to the East Rutherford area called the Vince Lombardi Service area. Don’t know if it got that name before or after the Giants won the Superbowl. If it was after, that’s quite pretentious.

11. There are an awful lot of Dunkin Donuts down in New Jersey.

12. Once again, New York and New Jersey still have tollbooths. Why would you do this to me? I’m so used to the open road tolls on the Masspike that having to slow down to the speeds of a tortoise just to get my EZ-pass read is just brutal.

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90s.

 

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