Jagged Thought #186: I need to. Soon


I am the minister of defense
Defensive actions lead
To tearful climates
Rain drops limping along a lonely forest
I am pain.

I am not pain you get when you dance
Or love,
Or swing on a sunset
I am not that pain.

I am the energy it takes to write this sentence pain taken away with malignant storms
          fighting me into finding my path
A fight or flight panic attack I’ll kick your ass
Please lick it.

I am a irrational callous.
Swimming in circles one oar beating the lonely radio waves SS
Trying to find a path
Yo this lighthouses bulb needs changing.

Yo soy sorry.
I am sorry for every intentional unintentional wave of fear anxiety and more I can’t
Because banal and carnal are
Anal and analyzed.
Because I never wanted this.

I never wanted any of this.
I wanted bliss:
I wanted truth.
Not ruthless gangs carving me up like turkeys in dreams
Not witches telling me my destiny is to fail.
Not breed.
No this isn’t my night.

I am powerful: I am love:
I am a phone playing a video
That says I am powerful
I am loved.

Because I need to trick myself to believe
I have some form of worth
Not a wallet with no ones.
Not a empty swing set.
Not a tummy hungry.
Not a small box of smallpox
Given on a sun walk.
I fucking matter.
This is not a illusion.
I fucking do.
I need to. Soon.


Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.


Tell us what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s