The E.A.R.: A Weekend Classic

Banner design © TJ Edson

 

Weekend Shopping is an interesting experience because everyone and their mother is in the store. It can make for some pretty epic people watching.

Ah Weekend shopping, the classic that brought you such hits as:

1. Quit swinging that around!

2. I don’t know how to use the self checkout but, I got like 10,000 things so I’m going to hold up the line.

3. Hello Mr./Mrs. I know you just shopped until you dropped but, would you like to buy some delicious Girl Scout cookies? You’d be a colossal dick for saying no to such a nice young girl. Plus, I see your fat ass eyeing the Shortbreads.

4. NO YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT SUSAN! PUT THAT BACK!!!!

5. That looks like a nice piece of furniture. I wasn’t planning on getting it, but I smell another project coming.

6. My child clearly looks like they aren’t working off any of the unhealthy shit I just put in my cart, but I’m too busy to prepare anything that goes a step beyond just taking the plastic off and throwing it in the oven, so more TV dinners and microwave chicken nuggets.

7. I see you looking at that parking spot I’ve been eyeing for ten minutes. You really don’t want to catch this fender.

8. What takes so long to leave a damn parking spot?! Cause unless your significant other is giving you a quick Monica, you better move.

9. *Sees white kid throw a tantrum in the store and, you look at the only other person of color with a glance that equates to man if that were one of us.*

10. *Goes in for one thing*

45 minutes later…

Me: It was on sale though and, I looked pretty useful.

11. This is like the best time for people watching. I could make up stories about every single one here.

 

Flemmings Beaubrun is an avid gamer and lover of music. When not working, Flemmings likes to spend his time whipping up dank beats for the masses. He also spends his weekends thrift shopping for rare video games and obscure electronics. Other times he’s in front of a TV with a giant bowl of cereal enjoying shows from the 90’s.