Jagged Thought #177: Reminiscing


 

I remember me
Manic freshmen
Sleepless
Drunken
Stoned
Not yet broken
Not yet understanding
Mania.
Not yet understanding
Stigma.
Not yet understanding loss.
Never yet having the courage
To stand into the
Oncoming traffic
Or leap from lethargic rock to rock.
Never had the false idol mentality
The walking water withdrawal
The faceless sleeping drone
The mental break.
The synapse snap.
The stop sign, the welcome back.
Never the restrained goodbye.
Never the chance to explain
Mania.
Never quite understanding it
Myself, 22, cold shoulder broken
Hushed to silence
A ghost in the once lively halls.
A ghost.
A question mark. A wonder what happened to him kind of wonderment.
And me, swiftly struck with life’s stigmata.
Left with shackled pause.
Left with broken thoughts.
Left you
Guessing.
It was nice reminiscing today.
18 years removed from that manic wonder.
That stop light school
That broke me.
Me, supposedly the model
Of recovery
Me supposedly stronger now.
It was nice reminiscing,
How missteps brought me to my knees.
Yet how I healed my wounds.
How deep the stream goes.
How many steps I have walked in my shoes.
How many still left to step?
How many times I have bandaged my feet.
How many more times will I have to?
How many more poems to stitch me back together?

 

Jason Wright is the editor and founder of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.