The Underground Garden: Just Another Life


 

It’s kinda fucked up when
You need coping mechanisms from your coping mechanisms
It’s called recovery from self-destruction

Shit.
Regret.
An emotion I’ve never wanted to attend
Accept

It’s both a curse and a blindspot to have an endless supply of strength
Unless I’m just a masochist

Run those 4 tires over me and watch me stand right back up
Lick the blood off my wounds then lie down again to see how much I can take again and how soon.
But first,
let me dim the room before I light the fuse before I go boom.
Internally.

Shrapnel lands externally
Sometimes on the right target and others collateral damage
Unfortunately
Spiritual war is a bitch that way.

See from rock bottom I touched God’s finger by taking mine off the trigger
Feeling smaller than an ant’s eyelashes my problems were made bigger

They say it’s how you learn.

I’ve been a hard headed student who likes detention
Acrobatic suspension
Limbo with faith

Filled with faith I guess too can be a weakness
Perceived strength
If you allow yourself the naivety of believing others exist in your corner ignoring the reality they can be fake
Out for their take
Fallen Angels don’t understand snakes

Womblife taught me I prefer to be a loner than confide in false shoulders
It’s not that I’ve grown colder
I’ve grown older and bolder

Bad company makes sure you want to live that way
I’ve never wanted to be more than I can be so what I can be hasn’t been enough
Not meeting expectations can also be rough
And it’s not even your fault.

Recovery is a bitch especially when you know could have pulled the switch
Lifetimes ago

I tried to bargain with God by asking that I remember these lessons during my next trip
So my next life can be less of a trip and more of an existence with Peace Blessings
Cool?
These damn curses I’ve had to endure to make My Self pure from the evil men and women do.
Are they through?

Also, I’ve never wanted to exude Cruel
It’s just that sometimes reflections are ugly.

Also God, could I be the last in my bloodline with imbalanced hormones and dark brain vibes?
My Grandmothers’ pains have been a lot for me to witness and survive through

I pray it all ends with Me.

Coping with my humanity
My existence
My sands of time
They’ve never been waste
But by the beard of Zeus, what a Fate I’ve had to face

Fighting through another day is not the way I’d like to start the day.

Just know you’re not alone. A lot of us are seeking the Home we’ve left behind, we’ve never found, we’ve yet to build.
Even with the tools.

Perhaps ending coping mechanisms is the coping mechanism
Yeah.
I’ll jump without a parachute that way I’m forced to spread my wings.
I know how to fly how to glide
It’s just that I’ve landed and I’m off course. I took on too much baggage
An empath, of course.

No more reaching for the habits that have proven to be anchors
This time tomorrow I pray I’m already stronger and less of a magnetic for anger
Danger
Rushed immortality
I’m not ashamed to admit I’m in recovery

It’s what has always been best for me
Acceptance of Reality.

I’ve got a pyramid to construct
Catch me at the top
Bathing to the lights of heaven

This too will be survived
Except this time
It will be a softer set of eyes
And dry.

Fear has no place in my life
Sobriety be my guide
Inspiration my will.
Balance my foundation.

I’ve got a lifetime in which to thrive
And I’ve returned to its Glory.
This is my story.

Coped.

 

Liza Zayas is a lover of writing and dancing and celebrates both as a singer and songwriter performing as Luna del Flor. You can hear her collaborative sounds and experience life through her storytelling. She invites you to dance. Her poetry seeks to initiate dialogue by intentionally expressing consequences of love, lust, ego and self-respect.

 

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